The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability by Miriam Kaufman Read Free Book Online Page B

productively.
    Start by doing some of the breathing that we talked about earlier. Then choose a part of your body to focus on. It doesn't have to be a part that you identify as sexual. Pick an area that doesn't usually cause you pain, or, if you have pain all over, an area where the pain is less intense or frequent. As you begin to focus on this part of your body, thoughts may float into your head. You may remember things that have been said about that part of your body, or the way it has been touched in the past (pleasant, unpleasant, neutral). Either give yourself permission to think of these thoughts, or put them aside and return to your breathing and your focus.
    Imagine that with each inhalation you are sending your breath to this part of your body. After a while, you will notice that you are perceiving this part differently—it might seem bigger than usual, or tingling. If it is a spot where you have no sensation, concentrate on what it looks like, or imagine a string that connects it to somewhere that you have sensation, and that as you are breathing in, the string tugs on the other part. If you imagine your breath has a color that you are sending to that part of the body, a warm color (red, yellow, or orange) may lead to a warm feeling in the area, and a cooler color (blue, green, lilac) might make it feel cooler.
    If possible touch that part of your body, with your hand or with something hooked up to an assistive device (back-scratcher, feather

    duster, soft piece of cloth), or direct a partner to touch you there. You may be able to move that body part against a pillow, a book, the edge of something. If you are sitting in front of a fan or a window, pay attention to how the breeze feels. If you can use your hands, try different kinds of touch, firm and light; use fingertips or the palm of your hand; a dry or wet finger; circular or linear motions. You may be able to use your tongue to explore your lips, gums, and the roof of your mouth.
    Pay attention to how these things feel (pleasurable, sexual, uncomfortable?) and also to what you are learning about how that part of your body is put together—what is its shape? Lumpy or smooth, hard or soft, ridged or flat?
    We suggest you approach your whole body this way. Find things that work for you, whether they be sight, smell, touch, or feelings of different levels of heat in various body parts. Don't avoid the parts that you have learned to think of as ugly.
    In the following sections we will describe the parts of your body usually thought of as sexual. We happen to think many more parts are sexual, but you don't need us to tell you what a finger is, or an ear. The parts of our bodies that have been labeled "sexual" have been much more mystified.
    As you are exploring your body, you may notice that the edges of things may be more sensitive—like the skin surrounding your nostrils, the sides of your fingers, the borders of your armpits, the areas right next to where you have no sensation. In addition, some people find that areas where they have no sensation of touch may respond to more direct pressure.
    Also remember that just because a part of your body gets touched a lot (like your head against a headrest) doesn't mean that you can't experience touch to that part of you in a very different and sexual way.
    Breast/Nipples
    Many women like to explore the sensations of having their breasts or nipples touched. Fewer men do so. For some heterosexual men, breasts are so strongly identified as feminine that the idea of having their breast

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    or nipples played with stirs up concerns about their sexual orientation. (We promise that if you are a straight man and you want to find out if your breasts/nipples are sensitive, it won't make you gay!)
    Our culture places tremendous emphasis on how breasts look, rather than how they feel. Although we want you to look at your breasts, with a mirror or by looking down at them, we suggest you focus