The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability by Miriam Kaufman Read Free Book Online
Authors: Miriam Kaufman
getting in touch with. It's possible that part of this whole "getting in touch" thing means becoming more aware of physical or psychological pain. So take the time you need to decide if and when it's worth doing this.
We don't mean to make this seem scary or make it necessarily a big deal. But we speak from personal experience—support can be very important when doing any sort of self-discovery.
SEXUAL ANATOMY AND SEXUAL RESPONSE • 33
Sexual Anatomy
You may have heard sex educators speak of every part of your body being a potential sex organ. That's great news, don't you think? But it's one thing to say that and another to realize that potential. Here we will talk about various parts of the body and offer some tips on self-exploration. As with everything in this book, no one method will work for everyone, so feel free to tailor our suggestions to your needs. It would be silly to assume we're all the same and our paths to sexual discovery are the same, so take what seems to be helpful and leave the rest. First we will talk about some basic approaches and environmental factors you may want to be aware of or create.
Although for many people the most intense sexual feelings happen in the body parts we will describe below, much of the feeling of excitement and release comes from more general body feelings. When sexually aroused, we all have an increase in heart rate, breathing, body temperature, and blood pressure. Blood collects in various places, including the ears and lips. The skin gets flushed, sometimes especially on the chest and neck. All of these things intensify. If there is no orgasm, they gradually settle down. If an orgasm occurs, they resolve more quickly. The rapid fall in body temperature—as well as the pleasurable feelings of release and sexual satisfaction—often makes people fall asleep.
Breathing
You may be wondering why we begin our discussion of sexual anatomy with breathing. Although we may do it differently, breathing is something we all do, and we can all have some awareness of. What we propose is a way of using your breath to take a guided tour of your own anatomy.
There are many different schools of thought on breath awareness, and what we present here combines what we have learned from some of them. The majority of people reading this book can control their breathing to some extent. However, breathing may be difficult because of lung diseases, muscle weakness, heart disease, or problems with the
nerves that make breathing happen automatically. Paying attention to the breath will not make any of these things worse; in fact it may help them. If you do not have control of your breathing and use a ventilator, you have probably already noticed that your vent rate can affect how you feel—more energized when the rate is higher, more relaxed when it is lower.
Breathing, like sex, can be both energizing and relaxing. One of the great unspoken benefits of sex play is the relaxing effect it has on most of us afterward. Sex is a great way to deal with insomnia (like nature's sleeping pill!). It is an excellent form of pain management, can help with spasms, and increases blood flow. Many of these benefits occur because of what happens to our breathing when we're having sex.
Because of my disability my parents are very protective. They always listened to make sure I was okay I always felt I had to be really quiet when I would masturbate. When I first started having sex with my boyfriend, I was in the habit of being really quiet. I'd expend a lot of energy not making noise. Often I'd be holding my breath, without even realizing it. Then he said, "Don't you like this? You're all tense and you never make a sound." I realized I didn't need to hold myself back.
We don't all breathe at the same rate, nor can we all do complicated Tantric breathing rituals (more on those in chapter 10).
Conscious breathing is probably the oldest known technique to bring your attention to your body. We breathe in mainly
We don't mean to make this seem scary or make it necessarily a big deal. But we speak from personal experience—support can be very important when doing any sort of self-discovery.
SEXUAL ANATOMY AND SEXUAL RESPONSE • 33
Sexual Anatomy
You may have heard sex educators speak of every part of your body being a potential sex organ. That's great news, don't you think? But it's one thing to say that and another to realize that potential. Here we will talk about various parts of the body and offer some tips on self-exploration. As with everything in this book, no one method will work for everyone, so feel free to tailor our suggestions to your needs. It would be silly to assume we're all the same and our paths to sexual discovery are the same, so take what seems to be helpful and leave the rest. First we will talk about some basic approaches and environmental factors you may want to be aware of or create.
Although for many people the most intense sexual feelings happen in the body parts we will describe below, much of the feeling of excitement and release comes from more general body feelings. When sexually aroused, we all have an increase in heart rate, breathing, body temperature, and blood pressure. Blood collects in various places, including the ears and lips. The skin gets flushed, sometimes especially on the chest and neck. All of these things intensify. If there is no orgasm, they gradually settle down. If an orgasm occurs, they resolve more quickly. The rapid fall in body temperature—as well as the pleasurable feelings of release and sexual satisfaction—often makes people fall asleep.
Breathing
You may be wondering why we begin our discussion of sexual anatomy with breathing. Although we may do it differently, breathing is something we all do, and we can all have some awareness of. What we propose is a way of using your breath to take a guided tour of your own anatomy.
There are many different schools of thought on breath awareness, and what we present here combines what we have learned from some of them. The majority of people reading this book can control their breathing to some extent. However, breathing may be difficult because of lung diseases, muscle weakness, heart disease, or problems with the
nerves that make breathing happen automatically. Paying attention to the breath will not make any of these things worse; in fact it may help them. If you do not have control of your breathing and use a ventilator, you have probably already noticed that your vent rate can affect how you feel—more energized when the rate is higher, more relaxed when it is lower.
Breathing, like sex, can be both energizing and relaxing. One of the great unspoken benefits of sex play is the relaxing effect it has on most of us afterward. Sex is a great way to deal with insomnia (like nature's sleeping pill!). It is an excellent form of pain management, can help with spasms, and increases blood flow. Many of these benefits occur because of what happens to our breathing when we're having sex.
Because of my disability my parents are very protective. They always listened to make sure I was okay I always felt I had to be really quiet when I would masturbate. When I first started having sex with my boyfriend, I was in the habit of being really quiet. I'd expend a lot of energy not making noise. Often I'd be holding my breath, without even realizing it. Then he said, "Don't you like this? You're all tense and you never make a sound." I realized I didn't need to hold myself back.
We don't all breathe at the same rate, nor can we all do complicated Tantric breathing rituals (more on those in chapter 10).
Conscious breathing is probably the oldest known technique to bring your attention to your body. We breathe in mainly
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