The Voyage by Roberta Kagan Read Free Book Online

but so do you. They are dead. You can do them no good by carrying this burden in your heart. You are killing yourself over the past.”
    “And you, what are you doing? Enjoying life? Of course you are. I am sure that is all you have ever done.”
    “That’s not fair.”
    “Isn’t it? Have you any moral purpose Manny? Or is your only purpose to serve yourself?”
    “I won’t listen to you. I can’t see any point in going over this again and again. It won’t bring back the dead.  I am going to clean up for dinner. Come to the dining room if you like. I don’t care what you do.”
    Alex never came to dinner. Instead, he continued his quest to use the gift God had given him to write. He could not stop the atrocities, but he would remember and write them as clearly as he could. As he purged his pain onto the paper, it left him for a moment feeling a small bit of peace.
    In the dining room, Elke sat beside Viktor at the captain’s table. The music played. Anna and Manny danced. It was like a luxury cruise, with an underlying agenda.
    Viktor even danced with Anna after dinner. Although she was terribly nervous and skeptical, she waltzed with the eloquent German officer.
    But Viktor’s moment with Anna was only to be polite; he was in fact taken with the beautiful Elke. He could not stop looking at her. She would turn to catch him staring, and he would turn away, embarrassed.
    When Manny returned carrying a sandwich, Alex realized how rude he’d been. Manny had shown him nothing but kindness and he’d answered with criticism and judgment. After all, who was he to pass judgment? Perhaps Manny was right. They were still alive; their suffering could not save those already dead.  If only he could be more like Manny. If only he could let it all go and live in the moment.
    “I’m sorry for how I behaved earlier this evening.”
    “It’s all right. I understand. This is all very hard for you.”
    “Yes, it is…and I don’t know what to do except write. It helps me to get my feelings out and put them on paper. In many ways, it has been my only salvation. But I never meant to hurt you. You are a good friend and a fine person.  You have gone out of your way for me. You have done all you could to make my life here on this ship a little easier. I had no right to say that you just lived for the moment. You do live a life of purpose...”
    “Come...eat…and forget about what happened. I am not angry.  I have forgotten already.” Manny put the food in front of Alex.
    “I am very hungry.”
    “Of course you are. Eat, relax... Put this stuff away for a little while.”
    While Alex gobbled the sandwich, Manny gathered the papers in to a neat pile and put them in the top drawer of the desk, away where Alex could not see them, if only for the moment.

Chapter 10
     
    The following morning the crew announced that a movie would be shown in the ship’s theater after dinner that night. It had been some time since Jews were allowed into the cinema, so this came as a rare treat. An air of excitement surrounded the evening’s events. The women talked about what they would wear, and everyone wondered what film would be shown. As the ship continued to sail, while the passenger’s ate fine food and enjoyed the sunshine, little by little they began to leave the horror of Nazi Germany behind them.
    Before the MS St. Louis sailed, the captain had gathered his crew. He had made it clear that anyone who showed disrespect to the Jewish passengers would be severely punished. This angered many of the workers, as they were pure Aryan’s and the MS St. Louis flew under the Nazi flag. However, the captain refused to bend on this rule and enforced it with the utmost authority.
    “I am the captain of this ship,” he’d said. “While I am in charge, there will be no contempt toward our Jewish guests. They will be made to feel comfortable in every way.”
    “You are not a member of the Nazi party?” A tall, well-built, blond crewmember