The World's Biggest Bogey by Steve Hartley Read Free Book Online Page B

says I’ve had a
‘Resolution by Unexpected Announcement of Impending Sibling Arrival’. In other words, I’m cured!

    Just before my mum told me she was going to have a baby, me and Matthew managed to baffle 1,327 Brain Boffins from all over the world. The
professor said that in all his years as the world’s leading Baffleologist, he’d never known so many big-brained Brain Boffins to be baffled at one time. Does this mean we’re
world-beaters?
    Best wishes
    Danny
     

    Dear Danny
    This is wonderful news! I was very worried about you and I am so relieved you are better. It’s also great to hear about your truly
outstanding display of Boffin–baffling. Congratulations! I can confirm that you and Matthew have broken the world record for Tandem Simultaneous Baffling of Big–brained Brain
Boffins.
    I have enclosed two certificates, one for each of you.
    Your letter arrived just in time. I leave today for Lake Chargoggagoggmanchaugga-goggchaubunagungamaugg, near the town of Webster, Massachusetts.
It has the longest place name in America, and has more letter ‘g’s than any other word in the world.
    The name of the lake means something like Englishmen at Manchaug at the fishing place at the boundary’. The townspeople are hoping to
gather at least 2,461 Englishmen at the fishing place at the boundary, to break the previous record. I am going to count how many Englishmen turn up and, as an Englishman myself, take part in the
attempt.
    With luck, Danny, this time next week, I could be a record breaker too!
    Well done to both of you.
    Best wishes
    Eric Bibby
    Keeper of the Records
     

    Danny and Matthew stared at their certificates.
    ‘Ace,’ said Danny.

    ‘Cool,’ agreed Matthew.
    Dad ruffled Matthew’s hair. ‘You deserve that, Matt,’ he said. ‘Danny would have been in a real pickle without you.’
    Mum sat at the kitchen table, fixing the broken toaster. ‘So, Danny, would you prefer a brother or a sister?’ she asked.
    Danny and Matthew looked at each other as if they thought Mum had gone mad.
    ‘A brother, of course!’ answered Danny. He nodded towards his sister Natalie. ‘One Nasty Nat’s enough!’
    Natalie put her tongue out at him. Danny pulled a face at her. Then his eyes widened as a new idea popped into his head.

    ‘I wonder what the world record is for the Stinkiest Nappy?’

     
    Glossary of Danny Baker’s Gobbledegook
    Bucket scoops – Hello
    Ding-dong – Best wishes
    Gumboots – Yes
    Beep – No
    Earwax – Please
    Saddlebags – Thank you
    Wobble – Doctor
    Bobbin – Nurse
    Beans – Mum
    Toast – Dad
    Bernard – Matthew
    Drainy Babbler – Danny Baker
    Captain Barnacle – Mr Bibby
    Dopey – Natalie
    GB – OK
    Wonderfluff! – Ace!