Three Souls by Janie Chang Read Free Book Online Page A

father allow you to teach?”
    I blushed and looked away. How could I tell him that even my plans for university might come to nothing? There were times when a teaching career seemed like a bright but uncertain dream, a blurred horizon of beautiful colours. If I managed to graduate, would my father even allow me to earn a living?
    He must have sensed my embarrassment.
    “An education is never wasted,” he said. His smile. Oh, his smile. “You may lose all that you acquire, but knowledge and wisdom remain yours forever. One of my favourite sayings. By the time you graduate perhaps your situation will be quite different.”
    I couldn’t believe that all around the terrace, people were eating and drinking, engrossed in their own conversations. It seemed impossible that they weren’t looking at us, the tension radiating from my body in near-tangible waves. I could barely breathe from the effort of holding back my hand, from reaching out to touch his face.
    Finally I blurted, “Tongyin will be a long time finding the mid-April issue. It’s in my bedroom.”
    We both burst out laughing. And then, people did look.
    ***
    My souls and I examine the scene.
    Look at the expression on his face. That was when I truly began to believe he might be able to love me. His words were so kind. And as for the situation being very different, well, if we were married, it would be my husband’s opinion that mattered. Hanchin would let me work by his side, or teach.
    You believed he would love you, my hun soul remarks, its tone a little dry. After all, you loved him, how could he not love you back? It pinches me, but its shining fingers are playful, not spiteful.
    Adoration glistens in the eyes of my memory-self. On Hanchin’s face, there is enjoyment. And something else. Is it tenderness or relief? I don’t recall seeing that look the first time. But on that day, I realize, Hanchin’s smile and, above all, the intensity of his gaze, conspired to convince me that he too was falling in love.
    ***
    I thought about Hanchin even more, if that was possible. I imagined my student life, when he would come to visit me whenever he had a lecture to give in Hangchow. Effortlessly I slipped into daydreams about the conversations we would have about poetry, politics, and our future together. I was bursting with the need to tell someone about my feelings. Normally I would have confided in Sueyin but this time I didn’t trust her to take my side. She saw only Yen Hanchin, a poor poet, the infamous translator of Anna Karenina, an unsuitable alliance for a family such as ours.
    There was only one person I had entrusted with my secret. With our convocation soon to come, I had a good excuse to spend hours with Nanmei at her home. We were responsible for two speeches at the ceremony: Nanmei was to thank our teachers on behalf of the graduating class, and I was writing the valedictory speech. We had decided my speech would urge our classmates to pursue careers in the service of our country. The work went slowly, however. I couldn’t concentrate.
    “Stop thinking about Yen Hanchin!” Nanmei’s voice was impatient but she laughed when she poked me with the eraser end of a pencil. I blushed and pushed back the chair.
    We were in her father’s library, which was much smaller than ours. Its shelves contained more popular novels and wuxia, martial arts tales, than Tang Dynasty classics. When we had come in, her father had been half asleep in an armchair, a newspaper draped across his lap. I had hesitated, but Nanmei woke him up with a rustle of the paper.
    “Father, we have school work to do and you’re just taking a nap. You can do that in your own room.”
    To my astonishment, Mr. Wang merely shook a finger at her, greeted me with a smile, and left with his newspaper. In a million years I couldn’t imagine taking such liberties with Father.
    “I have an idea!” Nanmei’s pretty eyes were as lively as tadpoles. She put a fresh sheet of paper on the table