Through the Fire by Donna Hill Read Free Book Online Page A

happening.” Her gaze pierced him. “And you know why? Because you won’t let it. And I can’t deal with it anymore. I won’t.” Slowly she shook her head. “Goodbye, Quinn.” She opened the car door. One foot hit the pavement.
    “What do you want from me, Rae?” he ground out from between his teeth.
    She snapped her head toward him, stunned by the anguish in his voice. She reached across the gearshift and took his hand.
    “I want you to live again, Quinn,” she whispered. “I want you to care about life again…about me.”
    He snatched his hand out of her grasp. His voice turned cold, indifferent, his guard going up. “Caring comes with a price. I’ve paid it once too often.”
    “Nothing worth having is free—or without risks. You need to decide if we’re worth the risk and if you’re willing to take it.” She steppedfrom the Jeep, closed the door gently behind her, leaving him with his demons and her parting remarks.
    And as Rae walked up the steps to her apartment she wondered when she would ever be able to do what she demanded from him.

Chapter 7
    Q uinn lay on his back, hands tucked behind his head, staring sightlessly up at the stucco ceiling. He knew Rae was right, right about everything, right about him. Somehow he’d convinced himself that he could simply glide through this thing between them—no commitment required—without turning over too much of himself to her. Each time he felt the stirrings of emotions rise within him, he’d shut down, shut her out. He wasn’t trying to hurt her, hewas trying to keep from being hurt. There were parts of him that were dead inside, or so badly bruised he didn’t want those sore spots to be touched. He did want to reach out, to be a part of something, a part of someone’s life, but he no longer knew how, knew what to do. It was true what she’d said about the half-life that he lived. Sometimes he felt as if he were in some sort of vacuum, moving through the world like a ghost. He could see, smell, touch what was going on but he couldn’t be a part of it. Sometimes the loneliness, the bottomlessness was so great that all he could do was weep into a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, try to dull the never-ending ache that lived with him day in and day out.
    Everyone thought that he should be better now. Nikita had been gone for three years. He had a son to think about, a career, himself. But none of them understood that it was so much more than the loss of his wife, his sister, his mother, his youth. It was the sum total of it all that had driven the life forces out of him, as surely as rebel troops forcing out the helpless villagers. None of them understood that each of those wounds had never truly healed, butwere only bandaged. And each loss stripped away another layer of the wrapping until the wound was laid bare and raw.
    What did Rae expect him to do—just smile and tumble in love with her? Maybe it was easy for her, but it wasn’t for him. Not again. Yet the only time he felt any semblance of life still beating inside him was when he was with her, when he heard her voice, listened to her laughter, watched her compose. Couldn’t she see that?
    But even knowing all that, what could he possibly hope to give to a woman like Rae?
    His phone rang. Slowly he turned on his side and lifted the receiver.
    “Yeah,” he mumbled into the phone.
    “Hey, Q. It’s Max.”
    He sat up, a frown creasing his brow. “Whassup, Max? Everything cool with Jamel?”
    “Yes, he’s fine.”
    His heartbeat slowed to normal.
    “Actually he wanted to speak to you.” She paused a moment. “He still hasn’t stopped talking about his visit to New York to see his daddy. ”
    He could almost see the smile on her faceand the tiny gap between her front teeth. “It was special to me, too, Max,” he said sincerely.
    “I know.”
    An unspoken understanding hung between them.
    “Uh, before I put him on the phone I wanted to talk with you about