Through the Heart by Kate Morgenroth Read Free Book Online Page B

tried to forget about it at the time. After all, look at who you were with—you weren’t the best judge of men.”
    I thought of the encounter at the 7-Eleven the night before. For once I could wholeheartedly agree with my sister.
    She went on, “But I never forgot when you asked me that. And I can tell you the answer now. Exhausting. It’s exhausting to be with someone like that. But there were also times he could sit still, and that was almost worse. It was as if he’d run out of gas, and then he’d crash—for days sometimes. And he’d just sit in front of the television, and he wouldn’t move. He’d even sleep there. And you know how most of the time you couldn’t shut him up? Well, it was like pulling teeth to get a couple of words out of him when he was like that. And the more we were together, the more he seemed to be like that. The other was exhausting, but that . . . that was scary. And I knew it was me. I wasn’t fun enough anymore. I didn’t make him happy.”
    “D, I know everyone says this, but it wasn’t you.”
    Deirdre wiped her face almost angrily. My sister never cried.
    “It doesn’t matter,” she said abruptly. “He’s gone now. And he’s not going to take care of what you call ‘his responsibilities.’ And if I don’t find the rent for this month, we’re going to lose the apartment. We’re already behind. I really don’t know what else to do. I wouldn’t ask you if I had any other option. I don’t like asking you for this, Nor, but I’m really desperate. I understand that you don’t have the money, but maybe you can take out a loan? I tried. They turned me down. My credit is for shit.”
    It was true, I suddenly realized—Deirdre had a hard time asking for things.
    I said reluctantly, “The thing is, I don’t think the bank would let me take another loan. I could try; since Mom worked there for so long, they might make an exception, but I think the rules about it have gotten really strict.”
    “Another loan?”
    “I had to take a loan back at the beginning of the year.”
    Deirdre looked as dismayed about the loan as I was whenever I thought about it. That’s why I tried not to think about it. The loan had seemed to be a good idea at the time. The interest rates on my credit card were outrageously high, and Mom seemed to be better, and I thought I might be moving out. It seemed to make sense to take out a loan to pay off the credit card and cover my expenses while I looked for a job. I had to fly back and forth to Chicago a few times while looking for a job, and after I found one, I needed money for the down payment on the apartment. Of course, that was just money down the drain when our mother got sick again and I let the job and the apartment and everything go in order to stay on here.
    “God, you’re such a sucker. And now you won’t help where it would actually do some good. I can’t believe you did it for her and you won’t do it for me.”
    “Come on, D, it’s not like that. It’s not like you both came to me at the same time and asked. I didn’t know this was going to happen. I didn’t know you’d need money.”
    “Whatever. You can try to sugarcoat it all you want, but basically you’re saying you won’t help me.”
    “It’s not that I won’t. I can’t. I swear, if there were anything I could do, I would do it. Why don’t you move home for a bit? I can cover most of the bills here. We can buy what we need from the store on the credit card. I can help out with looking after the kids—”
    “Are you kidding me?” Deirdre said. “I would never bring my children into this house, with her. Never. I’d rather go to a homeless shelter than bring them here. In fact, I don’t know how you live here. I really don’t.”
    I didn’t say anything to that. I always tried to remind myself that she had been older and wilder, and she had taken the brunt of our mother’s moods when we were growing up. I remembered once when Deirdre was about nine or