handful of croutons. This 4 percent of your salad is like the bow on your nutritionally dense plant present .
4. THE DRESSING: This should only be 1 percent of your salad and shouldn’t upstage all the hard work you put in throwing the rest of this nutritious deliciousness together. *COUGH* RANCH DRESSING *COUGH* Add your dressing a little at a time, toss well, and then taste. Add some salt and pepper, toss some more, and then taste again. You just don’t want a salad that has so much dressing on it that it’s almost soup, so slow your roll at the beginning and know you can always add more. Now go pick out a dressing and get grubbin’ .
DRESS THAT FUCKER UP
Keep a bottle of these bastards in the fridge ready to go and you can have a salad on your table in minutes any night of the week. each recipe makes around 1 cup of dressing, which is enough for salads all week, unless you’re a maniac with dressing distribution. These will separate while you store them, so just shake the shit out of them before you use ’em. They will keep for at least 2 weeks in the fridge.
ROASTED CARROT AND CUMIN DRESSING
This one’s pretty thick but it’s really fucking tasty on a simple salad with red onion and cilantro. Hell, it’s good on almost anything.
3 medium carrots
1 teaspoon olive oil
¼ teaspoon ground cumin
Pinch of salt
1 ⁄ 3 cup white wine vinegar*
¼ cup water
2 tablespoons orange juice
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 Heat up your oven to 375°F. Chop up your carrots into chunks no bigger than ½ inch. Toss them together with the oil, cumin, and salt. Roast them in a small pan, covered, until the carrots are tender, 30 to 40 minutes.
2 Let the carrots cool for a minute then add them to a food processor with the rest of your shit. Blend it until it’s smooth. This could take as long as 3 minutes.
* Rice vinegar works, too
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TAHINI DRESSING
Great on all kinds of salads, goes really well with cilantro and basil, and is tasty as hell over some noodles.
TOASTED SESAME DRESSING
½ cup rice vinegar
1 tablespoon citrus juice*
½ teaspoon soy sauce or tamari
2 tablespoons toasted sesame oil
3 tablespoons olive oil
Pour all the ingredients into a jar and shake that shit up. Taste and add more of whateverthefuck you think it needs.
* Orange, lime, or lemon works best
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BASIC THUG KITCHEN VINAIGRETTE
2 tablespoons diced shallot or sweet onion*
1½ teaspoons Dijon mustard**
¼ cup red wine vinegar
¼ cup rice vinegar
¼ cup olive oil
Pour all this shit together in a jar and shake the fuck out of it. Taste and add more of whateverthefuck you think it needs. You can switch out the vinegars with what you like to find your favorite combo. If you want to mix it up even more, add 1 teaspoon of your favorite dried herb or herb blend and shake that shit in.
* You can sub in 2 cloves of garlic instead
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** This brings the whole dressing together. Trust
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ALMOND CAESAR SALAD WITH HOMEMADE CROUTONS
That empty spot on your plate where a salad should be? Fill it with this and then send your thank-you cards to us.
MAKES ENOUGH FOR 4
1 ⁄ 3 cup sliced or slivered almonds
1 ⁄ 3 cup hot water
1 to 2 cloves garlic
¼ cup olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon rice vinegar
1 tablespoon capers*
1 head of your favorite lettuce, chopped up
A handful of Homemade Croutons (recipe follows)
1 Put the almonds in a glass with the hot water and let those fuckers soak for about 15 minutes. Chop up the garlic. When the almonds start feeling sorta soft, throw them in a food processor or blender with the water they soaked in, the garlic, olive oil, lemon juice, mustard, and vinegar. Blend it all up until there are no more large almond pieces and it starts to look creamy. You know what the fuck Caesar dressing should look like, come on. Add the capers and run it again for another 5 seconds just so they get chopped up. Chill until you are ready to eat.
2 Serve a couple tablespoons of the