Time to Depart by Lindsey Davis Read Free Book Online Page B

two columns that had once made a portico. The rest of this row of columns had long ago fallen down and vanished; it was best not to think about what was happening to the parts of the building they had been meant to support. Now most of the frontage was open, allowing free encroachment ftom Lenia's laundry. She had the whole ground floor, which according to her included what passed for a pavement and half the dusty road in Fountain Court. Just now her staff were doing the main morning wash, so warm, humid air hit me as I reached the street. Several rows of soaking togas and tunics hung nicely at face height, ready to slap at anyone who tried to leave the building on lawful business.
    I went inside to be neighbourly. The sweet smell of urine, which was used for bleaching togas, met me like an old acquaintance I was trying to avoid. I had not seen Lenia yet, so when someone else shrieked my name she thrust herself out from the steamy hubbub like some disreputable sand beetle heaving its way above ground. She had armfuls of crumpled garments crushed against her flopping bosom, her chin balanced on top of the smelly pile. Her hair was still an unconvincing red; after the sophisticated henna treatments of the East, it looked hideously brash. The damp air had stuck her long tunic to parts of her body, producing an effect that did little for a man of the world like me.
    She staggered towards me with an affectionate cry of, 'Look! Something nasty's blown in with the road dust!'
    'Aphrodite rising from the washtub, sneezing at the wood ash!'
    'Falco, you rat's bum.'
    'What's new, Lenia?' I answered breezily.
    'Trade's bad and the weather's a menace.'
    'That's hardly new. Have I missed the wedding?'
    'Don't make me angry!' She was betrothed to Smaractus, a business arrangement. (Each craved the other's business.) Lenia's contempt for my landlord exceeded even mine, though she had a religious respect for his money. I knew she had carried out a meticulous audit before deciding Smaractus was the man of her dreams. Lenia's dreams were practical. She really intended to go through with it apparently, for after the conventional cursing she added, 'The wedding's on the 'Calends of November. You're invited so long as you promise to cause .a fight with the nut boys and to throw up on his mother.' I've seen some sordid things, but the idea of my landlord having a mother set me back somewhat. Lenia saw my look and laughed harshly. 'We're going to be desperate for entertainment at this party. The arrangements are driving me mad, Falco. I don't suppose you would read the omens for us?'
    'Surely you need a priest?'
    Lenia shrieked with outrage. 'I wouldn't trust one of those sleazy buggers! Don't forget I've washed their underwear. I'm in enough trouble without having my omens mucked up. You're a citizen. You can do it if you're prepared to be a par.
    'A man's duty is to honour the gods for his own household,' I intoned, suddenly becoming a master of informed piety. 
    'You're scared of the job.'
    'I'm just trying to get out of it.'
    'Well, you live in the same building.'
    'No one ever told me it meant peering into a sheep's liver for the damned landlord! That's not in my lease.'
    'Do it for me, Falco!'
    'I'm not some cranky Etruscan weather forecaster.' I was losing ground. Lenia, who was a superstitious article, looked genuinely anxious; my old friendship with her was about to take its toll. 'Oh I'll think about it . I told you from the start, woman, you're making a big mistake.'
    'I told you to mind your own,' quipped Lenia, in her brutal, rasping voice. 'I heard you were back from your travels - though this is the first time you've bothered to call on me!'
    'Having a live-in.' I managed to beat her to a leering grin.
    'Scandalous bastard! Where've you been to this time, and was there profit in it?'
    'The East. And of course not.'
    'You mean you're too tight to tell me.'
    'I mean I'm not giving Smaractus any excuse to bump my rent up!' That reminded