Uncertainty by Abigail Boyd Read Free Book Online

tugging feeling replaced the pleasure. My body was trying to turn itself inside out, flesh stretching, muscle tearing.
    Invisible fists pummeled my shoulders, like someone tenderizing meat. I tried to duck or move out of the way, but the attacker wouldn't stop hitting. A scream started, a guttural roar, like a lion let loose from its cage. All I knew was pain, and pain was all I deserved.
    Then I was back at Hawthorne, the vision a memory.
    It took my mind a second to fully grasp the fact that I was down on my knees. The only thing holding me up was Henry, his arms surrounding and supporting my torso. Other students were trampling past us, barely noticing we were in their way.
    "Ariel, are you okay?" he asked, the concern in his voice jarring. I looked into his terribly familiar face, feeling a confusing mix of hatred, sadness and hope. Tears rushed up to my eyes, and I shoved him away. He stumbled backwards.
    As disoriented as I still felt, I didn't want him touching me. I tripped over my feet and almost went down again. His hands shot out to catch me but I twisted away, bumping into a girl with an oversized backpack who called me a bitch.
    When I'd righted myself, I looked at him. His arms were still outstretched, like he wanted to embrace me. I spun and sprinted out the exit doors and into the parking lot, not looking back.
    "Remind me again why we're at the playground?" I asked Theo wearily, leaning my head against the chain of the swing set I was resting on.
    Theo had taken me for fast food, as she'd promised. Even though I still had no appetite, I'd forced down the greasy fare at Dante's, making my stomach feel bloated. Then we'd wound up back in the Toyota and driving up to the deserted community playground. Now we were sitting next to each other on the swing set.
    "I come here to think sometimes," Theo said softly. "When I can't seem to find my thoughts anywhere else."
    The humidity make my t-shirt stick to my back. Clouds kept rolling in and going back out again. The sun was still visible the whole time, in one half of the sky.
    "Do you ever have a hard time living with your mom?" I asked, wanting reassurance that my parents weren't the only crazy ones. "Ever want to just pack your stuff and move in with your dad full time?" Ms. Vore seemed as normal and nice as could be, though.
    Theo shrugged, pushing herself with her sneakers so she began to swing gently. "Not always. But sometimes there's just not enough space for the both of us, you know? And it has nothing to do with how big or small the house is."
    I nodded. I knew.
    "So just out of curiosity, what upset you so much earlier?" Theo asked.
    I had torn out of the school, tears streaming down my cheeks, and flung myself into Theo's car without a word. It had taken ten minutes to catch my breath, and even then I didn't want to speak.
    "Henry," was the first word out of my mouth. It was only partially true, but it was good enough.
    She took her hand from the chain to push her glasses up her nose.
    "That's not surprising," she said. "What did he do now?"
    "It's hard to explain." I struggled to think of what to tell her. "I did something stupid yesterday. Well, I didn't think it was stupid at the time, but now I do."
    My teeth worried my chapped bottom lip. I couldn't say anything about Jenna. Theo was a very accepting person, but even she might want to have me committed.
    "Okay," Theo said after a minute of my silence. "If you stop talking there, I'll kick you. Start spilling."
    "I stopped taking my medication."
    "Why did you do that?" Theo asked.
    "I couldn't stand the way it was making me feel anymore," I admitted. The swing squeaked as I swayed in the direction of the faint breeze. "It was zombie mode, constantly. I felt disconnected from everything. I still do, but I'm guessing that will eventually fade."
    "You were a little fog brained for a while," Theo agreed. "But are you okay now? Is that safe?"
    I shook my head, and looked up at the shapeless clouds. "I