to earth and out of my anxious daze.
How bizarre. My mouth opened in shock at that surprise move, but just like that, I found I could breathe again. It was almost as if he had sensed my need for it. But how could he possibly know?
‘You OK?’ he asked softly, his tone ridiculously reassuring and causing me to nod at him jerkily. Perhaps it was his soothing tone or his strange ability to read my need, but for some reason I realised that the touch of this man didn’t scare me any more, not half as much as I’d expected, anyway. It was almost … soothing, as if he’d managed to connect to my inner demons and push them away for a while.
As he continued to hold my arm I struggled to deal with this new phenomenon. I didn’t do bodily contact, so how could I be allowing this and beginning to enjoy it?
Annoyance was easier to deal with than the mix of other emotions like curiosity, confusion, and attraction which were now swirling in my chest, so instead of giving in to the strange new sensations I focused myself on his presumptuous behaviour and felt my hackles rise. How dare he just assume I was fine with him grabbing on to me, and how dare he ping my elastic band? That was my nervous habit to indulge – not his!
Wincing, I realised I was letting my fears rule me again and being hugely over-sensitive. This guy certainly didn’t seem to be a threat. From his actions and words so far, he was clearly only trying to help me, but like an irritating rash, my past experiences were still haunting me.
Calming my fluctuating nerves, I licked my dry lips and looked back to his face, wondering despairingly if there would ever be a day when my past didn’t make interactions with men so bloody terrifying. Probably not. Sighing heavily, I blinked at my miserable prediction.
‘Are you sure you’re OK? You didn’t bang your head when you fell did you? You seemed to zone out there for a second,’ he asked again, still crouched by my side with concern obvious on his face.
As I saw the curious lift in his eyebrows I fully realised the extent of everything he must have witnessed over the last few minutes: elastic band plucking, tense body spasms, jerky breathing … God, the list of my crazy quirks was almost endless. I must have come across as such a wierdo.
I pasted a small smile on my face, determined to act like a normal human being for once, and nodded. ‘I’m fine, thank you. I didn’t bump my head, and this is just a small cut. I’ll survive,’ I answered feebly, completely avoiding his mention of me zoning out.
His eyes narrowed, but thankfully he didn’t push it, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
It was rare for me to look men in the eye, but nothing about this encounter had so far been run of the mill, so I allowed myself a closer inspection. Now that I could see his features without the cap and glasses I took in his brown eyes and sweat-spiked hair. Drawing in a long, quiet breath, I blinked rapidly before gasping. Surely not … Suddenly everything seemed to happen in a strange dreamlike fashion. Even through his exercise-induced sweat and bushy beard, I knew who he was, and as the clarity of recognition hit me I found my legs rapidly turning to a consistency similar to jelly and threatening to give way. Again.
With eyes now as wide as saucers I looked at his hunched form to double-check my initial suspicions. As my eyes roved over his features and registered that I was indeed correct, I felt myself wavering on leaden feet as a further wave of dizziness swept over me. Fearing I might be about to fall over again, I had to reach out and support myself on his firm shoulder, which went against all my self-imposed rules about initiating contact with men, but was a necessity if I wished to avoid a second liaison with the tarmac.
There was literally no way I couldn’t hold on to him. I felt so dizzy that I really might fall over if I let go. Once again, touching him made my skin prickle, this time not with fear but