Volume 2 - The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe by Douglas Adams Read Free Book Online Page B

…”
    “You’re thinking along the wrong lines,” said Marvin. “You’re failing to take into account something fairly basic in the relationship between men and robots.”
    “Er, I know,” said the battle machine, “is it …?” It trailed off into thought again.
    “Just think,” urged Marvin, “they left me, an ordinary, menial robot, to stop you, a gigantic heavy-duty battle machine, while they ran off to save themselves. What do you think they would leave me with?”
    “Oooh, er,” muttered the machine in alarm, “something pretty damn devastating I should expect.”
    “Expect!” said Marvin. “Oh yes, expect. I’ll tell you what they gave me to protect myself with, shall I?”
    “Yes, all right,” said the battle machine, bracing itself.
    “Nothing,” said Marvin.
    There was a dangerous pause.
    “Nothing?”
roared the battle machine.
    “Nothing at all,” intoned Marvin dismally, “not an electronic sausage.”
    The machine heaved about with fury.
    “Well, doesn’t that just take the biscuit!” it roared. “Nothing, eh? Just don’t think, do they?”
    “And me,” said Marvin in a soft low voice, “with this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.”
    “Makes you spit, doesn’t it?”
    “Yes,” agreed Marvin with feeling.
    “Hell, that makes me angry,” bellowed the machine. “Think I’ll smash that wall down!”
    The electron ram stabbed out another searing blaze of light and took out the wall next to the machine.
    “How do you think I feel?” said Marvin bitterly.
    “Just ran off and left you, did they?” the machine thundered.
    “Yes,” said Marvin.
    “I think I’ll shoot down their bloody ceiling as well!” raged the tank.
    It took out the ceiling of the bridge.
    “That’s very impressive,” murmured Marvin.
    “You ain’t seen nothing yet,” promised the machine. “I can take out this floor too, no trouble!”
    It took out the floor too.
    “Hell’s bells!” the machine roared as it plummeted fifteen stories and smashed itself to bits on the ground below.
    “What a depressingly stupid machine,” said Marvin and trudged away.

8
    “So, do we just sit here, or what?” said Zaphod angrily; “what do these guys out here want?”
    “You, Beeblebrox,” said Roosta. “They’re going to take you to the Frogstar—the most totally evil world in the Galaxy.”
    “Oh yeah?” said Zaphod. “They’ll have to come and get me first.”
    “They have come and got you,” said Roosta. “Look out the window.”
    Zaphod looked, and gaped.
    “The ground’s going away!” he gasped. “Where are they taking the ground?”
    “They’re taking the building,” said Roosta. “We’re airborne.”
    Clouds streaked past the office window.
    Out in the open air again Zaphod could see the ring of dark green Frogstar Fighters around the uprooted tower of the building. A network of force beams radiated in from them and held the tower in a firm grip.
    Zaphod shook his head in perplexity.
    “What have I done to deserve this?” he said. “I walk into a building, they take it away.”
    “It’s not what you’ve done they’re worried about,” said Roosta, “it’s what you’re going to do.”
    “Well don’t I get a say in that?”
    “You did, years ago. You’d better hold on, we’re in for a fast and bumpy journey.”
    “If I ever meet myself,” said Zaphod, “I’ll hit myself so hard I won’t know what’s hit me.”
    Marvin trudged in through the door, looked at Zaphod accusingly, slumped in a corner and switched himself off.
    On the bridge of the
Heart of Gold
, all was silent. Arthur stared at the rack in front of him and thought. He caught Trillian’s eyes as she looked at him inquiringly. He looked back at the rack.
    Finally he saw it.
    He picked up five small plastic squares and laid them on the board that lay just in front of the rack.
    The five squares had on them the five letters
E
,
X
,
Q
,
U
, and
I
. He laid them next to the