Wanting What She Can't Have by Yvonne Lindsay Read Free Book Online

to illness or, even worse, death? Wasn’t it better for him to take the time to mourn in his own way, safely alone where there was no one he could hurt—and no one who could hurt him?
    Better or not, Alexis was dragging him out of the dark, and he wasn’t happy about it. Her presence alone had been enough to spark a part of him to life he’d thought would be dead and gone forever. Basic human instinct, human need, had unfurled from where he’d locked it down, hard. She had a way about her—a warmth, a casual touch here and there—that had begun to thaw out the emotions he’d denied himself and that he knew he no longer deserved.
    Emotions were messy things. They insidiously wrapped themselves around your mind and your heart and then when everything went to hell in a handbasket they squeezed so tight you could barely draw breath. He wasn’t ready to risk that again. Not for anyone. The pain of loss was just too much. It was much easier to simply lock it all out, to prevent it happening.
    He lifted a hand in greeting as one of the guys over by the barbecue area shouted a hello and began to walk toward him. Raoul steeled himself for what he anticipated would be an awkward reunion, but to his surprise he found himself relaxing under the onslaught of his friend’s warm and simple greeting.
    “Good to see you, mate,” his friend Matt said, clapping his back in a man hug. “We’ve missed you.”
    Raoul murmured something appropriate in response and accepted the icy bottle of beer being thrust in his hand. Before long others joined them and, to his immense relief, no one mentioned Bree or his absence from their circle over the past nine months. He was just beginning to relax when one of the guys gestured over to where Alexis was sitting with the other women and the little ones.
    “New nanny? Nice piece of work there, buddy,” the guy said approvingly. His voice was full of innuendo as he continued. “Good around the house, is she?”
    Raoul felt his hackles rise. Alexis was good around the house and great with Ruby, but he knew that wasn’t what this guy was aiming at.
    “Alexis is an old friend of Bree’s. Ruby’s lucky to have her. Besides, it’s only temporary, until Catherine’s back on her feet again.”
    His mention of Bree froze over the conversation as effectively as if he’d tipped a bucket of cold water over the guy.
    “Hey man, my apologies, I didn’t mean anything by it.”
    “That’s fine, then,” Raoul uttered tightly.
    Anger still simmered beneath the surface for a while over the dismissive way the other man had talked about Alexis. She deserved more respect than that. While he might not necessarily have been warm or friendly toward her himself, he could certainly ensure she received the respect she deserved from others. He didn’t stop for a minute to consider why that was so important to him and he missed the look exchanged between his friends behind his back as his gaze remained locked on his daughter’s nanny.
    * * *
    Alexis felt a familiar prickle in between her shoulder blades as if she was under scrutiny. She turned and caught Raoul’s gaze fastened firmly on her, a serious expression on his face. The moment their eyes met he turned his attention back to the group of men gathered around the barbecue where, by the smells of things, they were making a sacrificial offering of the meat as only a large group of guys could.
    Despite the fact he was no longer looking at her, she still felt the impression of his gaze and a flush of heat stained her cheeks and chest in response. What had he been thinking to have such a somber visage? she wondered. Whatever it had been, he’d obviously pushed it to the back of his mind as he now appeared to be laughing at something someone else had said.
    The sight of him laughing like that sent a thrill of joy all the way to her heart. He needed to laugh more often, deserved to. The way he’d hidden himself away, devoid of all company and support, had