me.
Following Carmine's suggestion, I took a few minutes to wash my face. The water was cool, soothing, and helped me concentrate on my mantra that all I'd experienced was a bad dream. Even so, the faceless watch was clipped to my vest and rested snug in the pocket at my waist. I hoped that someone had lost it, or given it to me after I'd fallen, but I knew the truth all along. I just wasn't sure I could face it.
I looked at my reflection. My mother's freckles were a stain across my cheeks. She was everything that my father wasn't: power hungry, cold. Most of all she was a liar. I could never forgive her for attempting to use me and my rare Ability to get to the Outside World.
If I'd gone with her team, would she have explained herself and justified her actions to me? I doubted that I'd get an apology. I was nothing more than a means to an end to her , a resource to be used. Nothing is wasted.
Suddenly, I saw myself in parallel to the late Margrave Hest, and it was her black hair that flowed down my back. All she wanted was to be special, appreciated, and useful. I wanted to be those things too. How different was I from the woman who'd killed Sterling?
If I'd gone with my mother instead of out on my own, Sterling would still... Sterling... would...
Something in my mind skipped before the heartache began to burn too deeply. I splashed ice-cold water over my eyes and used my wet hands to pull my wavy hair tightly back into a ponytail. Lifting my fingers to my chest, I ran them over the circle of scars that lay hidden beneath my clothes. My memory of the crushing pain that had nearly killed me came howling back. I remembered how it felt to nearly be drained, and my heart began to beat harder and faster. Gasping for breath, I struggled not to hyperventilate.
I gripped the sink with both hands, and stared up into my own silver eyes. After everything that had happened, I was still alive.
“You are not your mother, and you are not Lauren Hest,” I growled at the mirror. Holding up the palm of my left hand, I searched inward, summoning that extension of myself that lay in rest. I felt the strength bubbling up through my core, tingling within my limbs. The electricity climbed from my hand and twined into the shape of a ball. I felt the lightning as though it was simply a part of me, bright, prickly, quick. Focusing, I straightened up and smiled. The ball peeled from the center, layers falling down in the shape of a blooming flower. “You're Katelyn Kestrel, and you're not afraid of the Prince of Shadows.”
* * *
Soft yellow light trickled into the tall windows of Breakwater Keep. Far below the third story corridor, the surf played tug of war with the current against the stone, brick and mortar foundation. After spending so much time at the keep, I was beginning not to hear it anymore. As I walked down the broad, vaulted passage toward Lord Brendon's meeting rooms, my mind filled with twisting threads of thought centralized around Prince Raserion. I'd forgotten about the ocean entirely.
I stepped into a pool of sunlight beside one elegant narrow window, and my stride fell short. The sea spread out below me, and with a flash of clarity, I appreciated its vast expanse and restless beauty. Until my first trek out of Haven, I'd only read about such large bodies of water. Despite everything that I had just been through, looking out at a seascape that stretched beyond the visible horizon, I wondered if there were other lands away from wars and princes.
Raserion had suggested that much. A world had existed beyond Haven all along, and now I knew that at one time or another, a world had existed beyond the Outside as well. According to the prince, it was dead, destroyed by the plague. But just imagining the scope and limitless possibilities of other faraway lands made me feel small, humble. I liked that. It made my future momentarily less intimidating.
When I opened the double doors that led to the antechamber of