We Give a Squid a Wedgie by C. Alexander London Read Free Book Online Page B
Authors: C. Alexander London
mush.
“You’re just jealous because Oliver’s going somewhere cool and exciting and the only place you ever go is baseball camp!” the other boys objected.
“You all go to baseball camp with me!” Greg yelled back at them and the whole group fell into an argument about baseball camp and the relative coolness of Oliver Navel over Greg Angstura.
Oliver finished his lunch silently while they argued about him. It wasn’t really important that he speak. Anything he said would probably just undermine their point about him being cool. He didn’t feel cool. He just felt lonely.
And it was all Corey Brandt’s fault.
While the boys argued about Oliver, he decided that he would get back at Corey and Celia. Thenshe could see what life would be like without her twin brother. Then she’d be in trouble. He had a great idea.
“What’d you say, loser?” Greg Angstura was suddenly in his face.
“What?” said Oliver.
“You were muttering to yourself, weirdo.”
“Was not,” said Oliver.
“Leave him alone,” said the Gomez brothers.
Greg shook his head and stomped away to find somebody else to bully.
“Hey, Oliver.” One of the Gomezes turned to him. “You really were muttering, you know?”
“Really?” Oliver said. “What’d I say?”
“Just one word, and you kinda smiled all creepylike when you said it,” said the other Gomez.
“What word did I say?” Oliver asked.
“Sabotage,” they told him.
“Yeah,” said Oliver, nodding. “I guess I did.”
9
WE CAN’T STAND SABOTAGE
THE DAY OF THEIR DEPARTURE had arrived and the fight between Oliver and Celia had taken on a life of its own. Removed from the original cause, the argument turned into a game of wills—whoever apologized first was the loser.
Oliver didn’t want to admit that he missed his sister and that, really, sailing around the ocean with Corey Brandt was going to be kind of cool, if only Celia would stop acting weird around him. And he really wanted to find their mother.
Celia didn’t want to admit that she had been a jerk, betraying her brother just to impress Corey Brandt.
Also, the television was still broken. It was almost impossible to watch, the static was so loud.
Dr. Navel arranged for Professor Rasmali-Greenberg to look after Beverly the lizard and Patrick the monkey while they were gone. It was kind of a relief not to have to take care of two wild animals. Oliver and Celia were not really animal people. They liked them better on TV. In real life, wild animals smelled.
They flew to Hawaii to meet Corey, where he was preparing his boat for their voyage. He greeted them at the dock, dressed for the sea with a striped shirt and a captain’s hat and flared white pants with all kinds of zippered pockets.
“You like ’em?” he asked. “These are from my new line of clothing, Corey Brandt’s Pocketed Pants! They’re made right here in Honolulu!”
“Great,” said Celia. She was pretty sure that giant white pants were not the best look for TweenTV’s “Coolest Teen in the World,” but he looked so excited about them.
“I brought you all a pair in different colors!” He tossed a pair of pants—in impossibly bright orange and red and green—to each of them.
“The crew won’t fly in from Los Angeles until tomorrow morning,” Corey explained. “There were some problems picking the fans through my website. Like, hackers and stuff. I don’t know about computers, but I think it’s all sorted out now, andit means we have an extra day to practice sailing before we head out.”
“Excellent,” their father cheered. “Let’s get to it!”
Oliver made sure to complain loudly as the boat eased out of the boat slip. Vacationers in plush bathrobes and supermodels in little swimsuits gathered on the decks of their yachts to look down on the Navels and the famous teenager as they set out.
“Okay, trim the mizzen sail!” their father called out to Oliver. They had studied all the parts of the boat,
“You’re just jealous because Oliver’s going somewhere cool and exciting and the only place you ever go is baseball camp!” the other boys objected.
“You all go to baseball camp with me!” Greg yelled back at them and the whole group fell into an argument about baseball camp and the relative coolness of Oliver Navel over Greg Angstura.
Oliver finished his lunch silently while they argued about him. It wasn’t really important that he speak. Anything he said would probably just undermine their point about him being cool. He didn’t feel cool. He just felt lonely.
And it was all Corey Brandt’s fault.
While the boys argued about Oliver, he decided that he would get back at Corey and Celia. Thenshe could see what life would be like without her twin brother. Then she’d be in trouble. He had a great idea.
“What’d you say, loser?” Greg Angstura was suddenly in his face.
“What?” said Oliver.
“You were muttering to yourself, weirdo.”
“Was not,” said Oliver.
“Leave him alone,” said the Gomez brothers.
Greg shook his head and stomped away to find somebody else to bully.
“Hey, Oliver.” One of the Gomezes turned to him. “You really were muttering, you know?”
“Really?” Oliver said. “What’d I say?”
“Just one word, and you kinda smiled all creepylike when you said it,” said the other Gomez.
“What word did I say?” Oliver asked.
“Sabotage,” they told him.
“Yeah,” said Oliver, nodding. “I guess I did.”
9
WE CAN’T STAND SABOTAGE
THE DAY OF THEIR DEPARTURE had arrived and the fight between Oliver and Celia had taken on a life of its own. Removed from the original cause, the argument turned into a game of wills—whoever apologized first was the loser.
Oliver didn’t want to admit that he missed his sister and that, really, sailing around the ocean with Corey Brandt was going to be kind of cool, if only Celia would stop acting weird around him. And he really wanted to find their mother.
Celia didn’t want to admit that she had been a jerk, betraying her brother just to impress Corey Brandt.
Also, the television was still broken. It was almost impossible to watch, the static was so loud.
Dr. Navel arranged for Professor Rasmali-Greenberg to look after Beverly the lizard and Patrick the monkey while they were gone. It was kind of a relief not to have to take care of two wild animals. Oliver and Celia were not really animal people. They liked them better on TV. In real life, wild animals smelled.
They flew to Hawaii to meet Corey, where he was preparing his boat for their voyage. He greeted them at the dock, dressed for the sea with a striped shirt and a captain’s hat and flared white pants with all kinds of zippered pockets.
“You like ’em?” he asked. “These are from my new line of clothing, Corey Brandt’s Pocketed Pants! They’re made right here in Honolulu!”
“Great,” said Celia. She was pretty sure that giant white pants were not the best look for TweenTV’s “Coolest Teen in the World,” but he looked so excited about them.
“I brought you all a pair in different colors!” He tossed a pair of pants—in impossibly bright orange and red and green—to each of them.
“The crew won’t fly in from Los Angeles until tomorrow morning,” Corey explained. “There were some problems picking the fans through my website. Like, hackers and stuff. I don’t know about computers, but I think it’s all sorted out now, andit means we have an extra day to practice sailing before we head out.”
“Excellent,” their father cheered. “Let’s get to it!”
Oliver made sure to complain loudly as the boat eased out of the boat slip. Vacationers in plush bathrobes and supermodels in little swimsuits gathered on the decks of their yachts to look down on the Navels and the famous teenager as they set out.
“Okay, trim the mizzen sail!” their father called out to Oliver. They had studied all the parts of the boat,