Joe, you’re screaming. Now, now.’ The psychologist
turned his attention to the old woman. ‘What do you say?
Are
you Ma
Perkins?’
‘I am. From the radio.’
The psychologist wilted. There was something in the direct, honest way she
said it. He began to look for the door, his hands twitching on his knees.
‘And I came here because Annie needs me,’ said Ma. ‘Why I know this child
better and she knows me better than her own husband.’
The psychologist said, ‘Aha. Just a minute. Come along, Joe.’ They stepped
out into the hall and whispered. ‘Joe, I hate to tell you this, but they’re both–not well. Who
is
she? Your mother-in-law?’
‘I told you, she’s Ma—’
‘God damn it, cut it out, I’m your friend, Joe. We’re not in the room with
them. We humor them, yes, but not me.’ He was irritable.
Joe exhaled. ‘Okay, have it your way. But you do believe I’m in a mess, don’t
you?’
‘I do. What’s the deal, have they both been sitting athome listening to the radio too much? That explains them both having the same idea
at the same time.’
Joe was going to try to explain the whole thing, but gave up. Ed might think
he was crazy, too. ‘Will you help me? What can we do?’
‘Leave that to me. I’ll give them a little logic. Come on.’
They reentered, and refilled their glasses with sherry. Once comfortable
again, Ed looked at the two ladies and said, ‘Annie, this lady isn’t Ma Perkins.’
‘Oh, yes, she is,’ said Annie angrily.
‘No, because if she was I wouldn’t be able to see her, only you could see
her, do you understand?’
‘No.’
‘If she was Ma Perkins, I could make her disappear just by convincing you how
illogical it is to think of her as real. I’d tell you she’s nothing but a radio character made
up by someone—’
‘Young man,’ said Ma. ‘Life is life. One form’s as good as another. I was
born, maybe just in someone’s head, but I’m born and kicking and getting more real every year
that I live. You and you and you, every time you hear me, make me more real. Why, if I died
tomorrow, everybody all over the country would cry, wouldn’t they?’
‘Well—’
‘Wouldn’t they?’ she snapped.
‘Yes, but only over an idea, not a real thing.’
‘Over a thing they think is real. And thinkin’ is bein’, you young fool,’
said Ma.
‘It’s no use,’ said Ed. He turned once more
to the wife. ‘Look, Annie, this is your mother-in-law, her name really isn’t Ma Perkins at all.
It’s your
mother-in-law
.’ He pronounced each word clearly and
heavily.
‘That’d be nice,’ agreed Annie. ‘I like that.’
‘I wouldn’t object,’ said Ma. ‘Worse things have happened in my life.’
‘Are we all agreed now?’ said Ed, surprised at his sudden success. ‘She’s
your mother-in-law, Annie?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you’re not Ma Perkins at all, right, ma’am?’
‘Is it a plot, a game, a secret?’ said Annie, looking at Ma.
Ma smiled.
‘If you want to put it that way, yes.’
‘But look here,’ objected Joe.
‘Shut up, Joe, you’ll spoil everything.’ To the other two, ‘Now, let’s repeat
it. She’s your mother-in-law. Her name is Ma Tiller.’
‘Ma Tiller,’ said the two women.
‘I want to see you outside,’ said Joe, and lurched Ed out of the room. He
held him against the wall and threatened him with a fist. ‘You fool! I don’t want her to stay
on, I want to get rid of her. Now you’ve helped make Annie worse, made her believe in that old
witch!’
‘Worse, you nut, I’ve cured her, both of them. Fine appreciation!’ And Ed
struggled to get free. ‘I’ll send a bill over in the morning!’ He stalked down the hall.
Joe hesitated a moment before entering the
room again. Oh God, he thought. God help me.
‘Hello,’ said Ma, looking up, preparing a home-packed bottle of cucumber
pickles.
At midnight and breakfast again, the living room was empty. Joe got a