What to Expect the Toddler Years by Heidi Murkoff Read Free Book Online Page A

a one-man show. The added responsibility and fun of feeding himself, if he isn’t already doing this, may so engage your toddler that he will lose interest in his old tricks. Admittedly, self-feeding takes longer and is often messier than adult-piloted feeding time, but your toddler’s got to take this developmental step one of these days, anyway. Just make sure that everything you offer is safe to eat. Steer clear of all chokables (such as hot dogs, peanuts and other nuts, popcorn, raisins, and similar items).
    Let him play to an empty house. If he doesn’t have an audience, your child won’t get as much satisfaction out of performing and may not feel compelled to perform at all. Put his food in front of him, then busy yourself in the same room. If you hear a razz, don’t turn around. If you accidentally catch him in the act, don’t blink an eye and certainly don’t smirk.
    Bring down the curtain. When he blows, he needs to know he’s blown it. With a poker-straight face, give him a simple, firm warning, “No blowing.” If the blowing continues, repeat, “No blowing,” and add, “If you play with your food, I’ll have to take it away.” The third time he razzes, remove the meal promptly. Even if your toddler doesn’t completely understand your words, he’ll soon get your meaning.
M ESSY SELF-FEEDING
    “I know I’m supposed to let my daughter feed herself so she can gain experience. But I really hate the mess she makes and I always end up taking her spoon away from her.”
    If a toddler with a spoon (or a fork or a bowl or a plate) can be considered armed and dangerous, you’re going to have to learn how to live dangerously. There’s no denying that disarming her and taking full control of the feeding process will bring any meal to a close more speedily, more efficiently, and much, much more neatly. But for a toddler, eating is not an exercise in speed, efficiency, and neatness. In addition to providing her with some nourishment, eating is an important learning experience—but only if she has the chance to feed herself.
    So though she obviously isn’t emulating Miss Manners as she smears, crushes, flings, and shovels food toward her mouth, self-feeding—like so many other messy activities in a toddler’s life—is something parents have to grin(or grimace) and bear. In the long run, your forbearance will pay off; your toddler will become a child who is a competent self-feeder. Until that happy day dawns, however, the tips in the two previous questions on containing the mess may help. So may offering foods that stick to the spoon, not just to the ribs. Sticky foods are more likely to complete the journey from plate to mouth than foods that can easily be flung where they may. Try mashed potatoes, cottage cheese (the kind that isn’t runny), chunky applesauce, oatmeal. It may also help to give your toddler some opportunity every day to play with interesting materials (such as finger paint, water, bubbles, sand, play clay). This may lessen (at least, somewhat) her need to experiment with food at mealtimes.
C LINGING/DEPENDENCE
    “My daughter seems too dependent on me. Every time I begin to leave the room, she starts to cry. If I turn my attention to something else, even if it’s in the same room, she starts pulling at my leg and complaining.”
    To a parent, it’s confusing: Just when your child should be needing you less and less, she seems to need you more than ever. She appears eager to step out on her own, but pulls back as soon as she feels any pressure to be self-sufficient. Yet to a young toddler, torn between dependence and independence, between striking out on her own and staying safely by your side, this ambivalence makes perfect sense.
    It’s somewhat flattering to know that even as your daughter’s universe expands, you’re still the center of it. But it’s also something of a burden—as every parent who has tried to get things done with a leg weighed down by a twenty-pound anchor and