Whatever the Cost by Lynn Kelling Read Free Book Online

relationships or sex. He doesn’t have feelings for anyone. He doesn’t allow it to happen. He decided, long ago, that finding love is not something he requires to be happy. In fact, it makes him incredibly uncomfortable to even consider the idea. So, the mere implication that Jacen is even capable of seeing him in a romantic light, to have Jacen flirt with him with no purpose behind it, no character or charade, just himself, disturbs Liam. Sure, they joke around all the time about being a couple and their line of work. There is never anything behind it, Liam tells himself. It is just the nature of their senses of humor. And when Jacen got turned on by Liam when he was in drag and being Leah, that was just Jacen doing his job, getting aroused by his appointed mate in that situation. That’s why he gets the big bucks; he can get into it with anyone he needs to, and enjoy it in the process.
    The comment made in the doorway to Liam’s room, about what Liam deserves, about what Jacen would do for him if he could, is something Liam can’t get past. It bothers him. A lot.
    The best recourse seems to be to get over it and pretend it never happened. It’s what he decides to do. But it’s easier decided than done.
    The next morning, Jacen is gone before Liam is able to get up and makes his way downstairs. Without any appointments that day, Liam goes out for a round of golf, then comes home around lunchtime. He’s in the kitchen making food when Jacen gets back from his meeting with Patrick.
    Liam waits for it, for Jacen to call back to him from the hallway and say hi. Liam’s truck is in the driveway, so it’s obvious that he’s home. It’s what they do, they check in with each other after each gig. That’s how they know they’re all right. Jacen and Liam check in with each other just like they check in with Della. It’s reflexive, they don’t even think about it anymore.
    Jacen doesn’t say a word. The front door closes gently, barely audible, and then equally soft footsteps pad upstairs.
    A sort of panic begins to suffocate Liam. It’s shapeless, stifling, overpowering, and at first he doesn’t even understand it. Then small voices begin to whisper in the back of his psyche.
    Even when Spencer practically took Jacen apart, he still called. He still checked in. Hell, he called me as soon as he was sequestered in the bathroom of Spencer’s rental house, before the job was even finished. Never has Jacen avoided me completely. It’s never been that bad.
    Maybe it went really well. Maybe it went so well that he’s still in the afterglow, too high to remember where he is or what to do.
    Liam is almost able to convince himself of this until he hears the water turn on in the upstairs bathroom.
    He’s running upstairs before he can even form a conscious thought about it, about how both of them make sure to wash up at the job site, and do a self-evaluation, health-wise, before even checking in with Della. The only times they shower at home, too, are when—
    “Jacen?!” Liam screams, disturbed even more by how shrill and shaky his voice sounds in his own ears. “Jacen? Are you okay?! Jacen!”
    Patrick’s a good guy. Patrick’s nice to Jacen. Jacen told me so. He told me how tender Patrick is, how caring...
    And how possessive. He said that too. He said Patrick likes to think he owns Jacen, that he belongs only to him.
    Liam ascends to the second floor. He bursts into Jacen’s bedroom, going through it, following the trail of hastily discarded clothes—a pair of designer jeans, a thin white t-shirt, Jacen’s black leather boots. They lead into the bathroom, the door of which is closed over, but not completely shut. Liam can hear the water pounding against the glass in the shower stall. Another step forward, a slight push against the bathroom door, and he can see Jacen.
    Look at him. Jesus, look at him.
    Gripping the doorframe hard enough to hurt, Liam berates himself.
What are you doing? Don’t
fucking look at