When I Was Joe by Keren David Read Free Book Online Page A

physical motion gets easier and easier.
    I run and run and in my head there’s a long road leading to London. And then I’m back in the park, running and running, heart thumping in my chest. Thoughts scuttling round my head like rats on a rubbish tip: ambulance, Arron, ambulance, Arron.
    I’m running and running and there’s no one to help me; and then I see the red bus on the road and I know I can get help and I know I can help Arron and the red bus is red blood and it’s flooding the white shirt. . .
    I slam my hand down flat on the treadmill’s emergency stop button and stagger off the machine. I’m going to faint or throw up or something. I drop to my knees on the mat and curl into a ball; I’m trying to stop the shaking which has taken me over. I’m still like this when Ellie comes back.
    â€˜Oh my God,’ she says. ‘Are you all right?’
    I can’t speak. I concentrate on stopping shaking. She stretches her hand out, leans down to me, patsmy shoulder and asks urgently, ‘Joe, what’s happened? Are you OK?’
    With a huge effort I sit up. But I can’t speak. I breathe deep and hug my arms around my knees. I have to stop shaking, I have to stop seeing the blood, the mud, the meaty flesh – stop thinking about the ambulance, stop the panic. Christ, Ty, get a grip.
    Ellie hands me a bottle of some sugary sports drink. ‘Try this. Maybe you’re dehydrated.’ I sip a little. It helps. ‘Shall I call for help? Are you in pain?’
    I shake my head, no, filled with shame. I want to speak, but every time I open my mouth I shut it again because I’m very scared that what’s going to come out is going to sound something like a scream.
    Ellie moves her hand on my shoulder and I reach up and grab it. It feels like she’s the only thing keeping me anchored to safety. I glance around. Thank goodness we’re all alone. Ellie keeps hold of my hand, and I gradually calm down. It’s strange looking up at her when I’ve only ever looked down.
    We seem to sit there in silence for hours, but eventually she says, ‘You’re looking better now. Can you tell me what happened?’
    I’m still holding her hand, like a pathetic baby. I let it go right away. She straightens up and I think how uncomfortable it must have been for her, leaningover the chair to reach me. I’d like to run away but I owe her a little bit of truth. ‘I closed my eyes when I was running and I lost touch of where I was. It was like a flashback.‘
    â€˜A flashback to something pretty scary?’ she says, obviously dying to know more.
    â€˜And I haven’t had much to eat today, and I suppose that didn’t help.’
    She looks at her watch. ‘It’s six o clock now. Are you OK to go and get changed? Then we could go down to the High Street and get a coffee and a snack and have a chat. I don’t want this happening every time you’re training, especially if I’m not always going to be around. And look. . .’ she reaches into her pocket, ‘I got you an access card. But there was a big fuss about it. That’s why I was so long. There’s a boy in your year – Carl someone – who’s the captain of the under-fourteen football team. He was furious that he and his team weren’t getting cards too. Argued for ages. But Mr Henderson said he could make an exception for one but if he let them in he’d have to let in hundreds. I hope you don’t get any hassle about it.’
    I shrug. ‘Thanks, anyway.’
    She looks thoughtful. ‘Unless, maybe, this has put you off training completely. Do you think it could happen again?’
    I consider. ‘No. I like training. Mostly it makes me feel a lot better. It’s just today I wasn’t in great shape.’
    â€˜Good. Can you get up? You ought to stretch a bit too.’
    I get up. I stretch. And thirty minutes later we