trial.â
âWhat happens after the trial? Will I go on being Joe?â
âItâs possible. When you give evidence we will certainly apply for your identity to be protected â but after the trial it may be safer to move you. Iâd think of this time as a temporary phase.â
I want to ask about Arron, and his family, but theslasher feeling in my throat is back. I say, âCan my mum get a job? Can you help her? I donât think we will have enough money.â
âDoug is here to help with that, and he should make sure that there is enough money either way, job or no job.â DI Morris leans forward. âWould it be better for her if she had a job? Is she a bit depressed and lonely, do you think?â
Of course she is, I want to shout, but instead I just nod. DI Morris says, âOK then, Iâll speak to Doug. Try not to worry too much. Thanks Ty,â and he hands me his card. âIf you want to speak to me then call this number.â
Why would I want to do that? Talking to him is like watching a film with the sound turned down. You know there are important bits that youâre missing but you can only guess at them. Youâre left filling the gaps with stuff that might be worse than reality.
Thereâs a lot that heâs not telling me. But does he realise how much Iâm not telling him?
CHAPTER 6
Red Bus
Iâm jittery and sleepless, jumpy with nerves. I have a constant buzz of nausea, which buggers my appetite completely. Iâm pretty much existing on a diet of raw caffeine, Coke Lite to be specific. Iâve helped myself to a few of Mumâs cigarettes.
This is not the greatest state in which to start a heavy new training programme. Ellie sat down with me on the first day and went through a set of health questions, and I told her exactly what she wanted to hear. So, I sleep for nine hours a night, eat a healthy balanced diet and have never smoked. More or less true six months ago, give or take the odd kebab. Mostly true just a few weeks ago. But now Iâm forcing myself to nibble a handful of crisps, which is all Iâve eaten today before facing her for the third training session this week.
Itâs a bright sunny day, but instead of going to therunning track we head for the school gym. Itâs not like any school gym Iâve ever been in. They call it the Fitness Suite and itâs full of expensive equipment.
Itâs very quiet because most people are outside. She sorts out a programme for me, shows me how things work and writes it all down. âIâm not going to be able to give you as much time as this in the next few weeks,â she says. âIâve got a big competition coming up. So you need a programme you can work at on your own.â It all sounds like hard work.
âWhat you need is an access card,â she adds.
âA what?â
âAn access card, so you can use all the sports facilities of the school out of hours. The only thing is they donât hand them out to anyone as young as you, but I can go and have a word with Mr Henderson if you like.â
She smiles, then ruins it. âAnyway, you seem much older than your age. I canât believe youâre still only twelve.â
âIâm not
twelve
,â I say, devastated, adding lamely, âIâm nearly fourteen, actually.â What an insult. Iâm going to be fifteen in November.
She grins. âSorry! Let me ask anyway.â She tells me which buttons to press to set up the treadmill to let me run for forty minutes, and says, âIâll be back soon.â
Itâs strange running on a treadmill, and I donât like it so much. I feel like Iâm about to fall backwards or wobble off. It takes a few stops and starts to get going, and eventually I find the easiest thing is to shut my eyes and imagine that Iâm outdoors. At first itâs hard going, then the rhythm of the breathing takes over, and the