putting Aubrey down for a nap.”
“Thanks for helping us,” Alex said, turning to meet her eyes. It was so hard to believe that today was the last time he’d be looking into them — in person, anyway — for at least a few months.
As if she were reading his thoughts, Katie said, “California isn’t that far, Alex. I’ll visit you on weekends, I promise. And then, before you know it, summer will be here and maybe mom will let me stay longer. After senior year, I can go to a university near you.”
Alex nodded, even though everything in his heart was saying things would never be the same between them. From everything he had ever read or heard, long distance relationships always started strong, fueled by desire, love, and the constant of one wanting to be with the other. Yet, inevitably, flames flickered with the real world getting in the way. The gulf between them would stretch, then fill with a layer of predestined ice, bred by distance and born to extinguish their fire.
“Let’s not make promises,” Alex said, finally broaching the subject and immediately regretting it.
“What do you mean?” Katie asked, taking a step back.
“Let’s not kid ourselves; everything’s changing. Let’s not make plans so far in advance, especially when we don’t even know what might happen tomorrow. A year from now may as well be 10.”
“Is this about your dad?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” Alex said, shrugging as he tried to swallow the tears that had first started to threaten their plummet while packing his father’s life into cardboard.
Katie moved closer and hugged him. Alex collapsed into her embrace, feeling his chin quiver as she kept fighting tears. He wanted to say so much, yet there was something in their bodies’ tangle which required no words. Everything felt right with Katie — or as close to right as things could feel when everything else was obviously wrong.
He spoke, still holding her in a hug. It was easier to maintain his composure if she weren’t looking at him. “It’s just so hard to believe how quickly everything’s changing. It feels like I’m in a nightmare and I should be waking up, but just can’t.”
She squeezed him tighter, “It’s going to be OK.”
Another necessary lie.
The doorbell rang and startled them both. He thought of his mom putting Aubrey down for the nap, then ran to the door before their visitor rang again and derailed his sister’s sleep for good.
Alex swung the door open to find Milo standing on his porch, backpack slung over his left shoulder.
“Hey,” Milo said, standing at the door wearing a dark hoodie and blue jeans. He looked tired, with dark circles under his red eyes. “I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye.”
“Come in,” Alex widened the door’s part. He’d been hoping Milo would visit, and had even left a message on his voicemail. Though they’d made peace at his father’s funeral, they had only spoken a few times since, and those conversations were on the phone, and decidedly awkward — like two former lovers trying to reconcile and pretend one of them hadn’t betrayed the other.
Milo stepped inside and dropped his bag to the floor. “So,” he said, clearly trying to rush through the discomfort, “have you checked out ‘Bloody Mess’ yet?”
“Bloody Mess” was a new serial on IC, an online network that seemed to be killing it with one awesome new show after the other. It was about a frat guy who woke with amnesia, with all of his brothers dead. Each week he had to put the pieces back together. Spoiler alert: Alex could tell the show was shit from the 10 minutes he managed to sit through. But he didn’t want to spoil Milo’s enjoyment.
“No, I haven’t seen it. It’s been impossible for me to focus lately. I try, but my mind starts trailing as soon as I start watching anything. I haven’t even really been reading.” He shrugged. “Been playing a few games, and moping. But other than that, not much