Winter Longing by Tricia Mills Read Free Book Online Page A

the matches, tossing them aside when they refused to cooperate. “Burn, damn you, burn!”
    Jesse touched my shoulder, and I launched myself at him. “Leave me alone!” I hit his shoulder with my fist. “Just leave me alone.” My voice broke as I hit him again and again.
    He used his strength to grab my hands and stop the assault. I continued to struggle until the last bit of fight died away. A horrible sob surged out of me. Jesse finally released my wrists and pulled me to him, pressing me against his chest. “Why did he leave me?” I whispered.
    Jesse didn’t answer. He just held me, keeping me from collapsing as the world’s worst pain poured out of me.
    “What’s that? ” I asked as I watched Spencer hanging a poster in Tundra Books.
    “Mom wants these love quotes all over the store for Valentine’s Day,” he replied. He turned the quote so I could see it.
    “There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.
    —George Sand”
    I turned my attention to the rack of paperbacks next to me so he wouldn’t see how the words made my heart flutter.

CHAPTER 7
     
    Things didn’t get any easier after the memorial service. First, the horrible, embarrassing breakdown with Jesse. Now, I stood outside the door to the school on Monday morning, wondering how I’d ever make it through the first hour, let alone the entire day. The familiar concrete structure felt like a foreign land as I stared at it.
    A hand at my back made me jump.
    “I’m sorry, Winter,” said Mrs. Schuler, the guidance counselor. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” She looked at me sympathetically. “I just wanted to let you know that if you need to talk today, or anytime, I’m here.”
    “Thank you,” I mumbled, before hurrying away from her and into the school.
    The last day I’d walked these halls, Spencer had been with me.
    I ran my hands over the lightweight navy-blue sweater Spencer had bought me for Christmas last year. Its cuffs were long and lacy—he’d said it looked like something a costume designer would wear. I tried to draw some strength from it. I felt more alone, now that the gulf between Lindsay and me kept widening.
    I hadn’t realized until I’d been walking to school this morning that I hadn’t talked to her since the scene in the bathroom at the church. Had we ever gone a day without at least a phone call?
    Suddenly, I dreaded seeing her. I didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to talk to anyone. I ducked into the restroom. A group of girls standing next to the sinks stopped talking when they saw me. One gave me a sad smile. I tried to smile back, but it felt more like a grimace. I hurried into a stall, sinking onto the closed toilet. I tried desperately to calm down. Why had my parents made me come back so soon? Only a week had passed since the crash.
    Dad had taken my hand this morning, holding it firmly in his own. “Be honest with yourself. You knew Spencer better than most people. Would he want this?”
    I’d relaxed my hand in Dad’s and let the awful realization sink in. I could actually hear Spencer telling me to get my pitiful butt out of bed.
    As I walked back to my locker, I felt as if I were slogging through thick mud. Each step sapped a bit more of what little energy I had. I caught whispers as I passed by groups of my classmates.
    “She looks so pale.”
    “I can’t imagine how she must feel.”
    “Didn’t Jesse Kerr follow her home from the memorial service?”
    At this, I shot a look at Tazzie Blue. She sucked in a breath and lowered her eyes, embarrassed that I’d heard.
    God, how was I going to face Jesse after what had happened? How could I have broken down like that? I scanned the hallway and didn’t see him. I knew it was probably too much to hope for, but maybe I could avoid what was sure to be an uncomfortable confrontation.
    By the time I reached my locker, I had to lean my head against the cool metal to catch my breath.
    “Hey,” Lindsay said next to me. “I