Winter Longing by Tricia Mills Read Free Book Online Page B

wondered if you were coming today.”
    “Not much choice.”
    “Where did you go on Saturday? ” Was that a hint of accusation in her voice, or was I imagining it?
    “Home. I couldn’t stay any longer. I felt like I was going to suffocate.”
    “I didn’t want to be there, either.”
    “I know that,” I snapped, realizing too late how mean I sounded. I didn’t want to—I just didn’t seem to be able to help myself. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to calm down. “It’s just been a horrible week,” I said, as I looked at her again.
    Lindsay opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly stopped herself. “I’ll see you later,” she said, slamming the door to her locker.
    Instinct told me something else was on her mind, but I couldn’t muster the energy to go after her and ask what. Why had she looked so tense?
    I inhaled a deep breath to prepare myself before opening my locker. But it didn’t soften the punch to my heart when I saw all the photos taped inside: ones of Spencer alone, another of him with his arms around me when we were still just friends, others of the two of us with Lindsay. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I blinked them away. No way was I crying at school. On top of my grief, I could only take so much embarrassment. And I’d filled that quota on Saturday.
    With one final look at the photos, I grabbed my books and closed the door.
    “Hey, Winter,” Monica said when I turned and saw her a few lockers down. “Are you okay?”
    Hell, no, I wasn’t okay. But I wasn’t going to cry on the shoulder of everyone I met. I nodded and headed past her down the hall.
    I stopped as I reached Spencer’s locker and ran my hand down it. I imagined I could see his fingerprints all over it, that I could feel his touch.
    How could I feel hollow and filled with despair at the same time?
    Throughout the morning, I went through the motions of “normal.” Friends hugged me in the hallways. Teachers extended my homework deadlines. I knew everyone meant well, but all the interactions felt awkward and distant. Like only my body came to school, while my heart was in the mountains looking for Spencer.
    English class was the worst. I balked at the door and stared at the empty seat that yawned like a black hole next to my own. When some of my classmates began to edge around me to get into the room, I headed to my desk and tried to ignore Spencer’s empty one. But it proved impossible.
    Nervousness shot through me when Jesse entered the room. His tall, hockey player frame seemed to fill the room. I tried to act like I hadn’t noticed him, but he stopped by my desk.
    “Hey. How are you?”
    I was drained, panicked, and dying to run away and hide.
    “Fine,” I said.
    He lingered, and it made me want to scream. I didn’t know where this hostility was coming from.
    Only when Mrs. Miller entered the room did he walk down the row to his seat at the back of the class. I was so unnerved that I dropped my pencil. Hannah Stevens, who sat in the seat in front of Spencer’s empty one, picked it up and gave it back to me with an understanding smile.
    It struck me that everyone was being understanding but Lindsay. Irritation at that, on top of everything else, made it next to impossible to concentrate in any of my morning classes.
    When the lunch period rolled around, I didn’t have any appetite. I wandered into the cafeteria and straight to one of the tables by the windows. When someone slid into a chair opposite me, I expected Lindsay or maybe Monica. Not Jesse Kerr.
    “Why are you sitting here?” He normally sat with the A-listers. Had he changed lunch tables since his breakup with Patrice?
    He extended a cheeseburger toward me. “You don’t have any lunch.”
    “I’m not hungry.”
    He returned the cheeseburger to his own plate, fiddled with the edge of the plastic tray. “Are you mad at me?”
    Yes. But why? Because he’d seen me at my worst? Because I’d been goofing off with him while Spencer had