Woman by Richard Matheson Read Free Book Online

looked at Candy with an
innocent expression. "Aren't you a sex object, Candy?" he asked, his tone making it obvious
that he already knew she was.
     
          "No" Candy whined. "I have a brain too, you know."
     
         Val looked astonished.
" I didn't know
that," he said.
     
         "I doubt if you know it
about any woman,"
Barbara said coldly. Everyone looked at her, surprised.
     
         " Ooh ," Val said as though stung.
"Right in the kishkes. Better keep an eye on her, Max." He turned to
Ganine. "What do you think, sweetheart? I thought you were retarded
because you never heard of Country Boy but I didn't really think you were. What do you think about all this?"
     
         "I don't know anything
about it," she said, blushingslightly.
     
         "Holy shit, she is retarded." Val looked around the
group. "It's very simple, folks. Pay attention now. Men have cocks and
women want them."
     
         Liz looked incredulously at
her brother. "Penis envy?" she said. "You can't be serious, Val."
     
         "Am I ever serious?" he asked. Abruptly,
he did look serious. "You bet I'm serious."
     
         "Well, that's ridiculous," Barbara said. David had
always suspected that Barbara didn't like Val but he'd never known it for
certain until now.
     
         Val pointed at Barbara but
looked at Max. "Better watch her, Max," he warned.
     
         "Not to defend my dear
wife but Freud didn't think it was ridiculous," Max told him.
     
         "Good ol' Ziggie,"
Val said.
     
         Barbara's words overlapped
his, "Freud was a goddamn chauvinist," she said.
     
         Val assumed an over-ripe
German accent. "Got'n'himmel," he said. "I thought he was a
fucking Viennese."
     
         "Val, come on. Be
serious. I mean really!" Liz told him, "Why in God's name should women want that. . .damned protuberance?" she finished.
     
         "Pro- tub erance?" Val said. "Hoo-ee!"
     
         "I think men have
vagina envy," Barbara said.
     
          "Pussy envy?" Val said. "No way! I don't want one. I just wanna be inside one. With my protuberance, of course. Or—" He made a rapid
tongue-lapping face at Candy who struck at the air in front of him again.
     
         "You know," Max
said, his tone gentle as though he was about to make a reasonable point.
"The Hebrews have a daily prayer which goes—" His voice turned icy as
he finished "— I thank thee, Lord, for not having
created me a woman."
     
         "Yes. And Freud was a
Jew," Barbara countered.
     
         Val looked pseudo-startled
at Max. "You married ananti-Semite?" he said as though the notion
shocked him.
     
         "That's right!"
Barbara exploded, causing everyone to look at her in surprise. "The
ultimate goddamn defense!" she raged. "Call women prejudiced who've been
prejudiced against since the beginning of time!" David was the only one
who noticed that Ganine had silently applauded.
     
         "Ooh, this is getting good now," Val said, grinning.
"I can see why you wanted to get back to this," he told Max.
     
         "Barbara is right in a
way," David said, wondering immediately if this was going to delay their
departure for too long a period.
     
         "How's that, Doctor?" Max asked in a cold voice.
     
         "Well," David
said, "Freud's major theory was that man is incomplete. He meant,
literally, man. He never
thought of women as incomplete. Merely inferior."
     
          "Inferior?" Barbara said angrily.
     
         "Wait a minute, wait a
minute." Val broke in. "We have an expert here. Let's pay attention.
Okay, Doc. Enlighten us. What's the story about men and women?"
     
         David smiled, knowing the
reaction his answer would bring. "Men are afraid of them," he said.
     
         "Afraid!" Val
cried, looking amazed.
     
         "That's bullshit,"
Max said.
     
          "Max," Barbara said.
     
         "Well, it is," he
said.
     
         Charlie pushed to