Xenocide (Ender Wiggins Saga) by Orson Scott Card Read Free Book Online
Authors: Orson Scott Card
living pequenino, the Hive Queen, and every human being on Lusitania?"
To Miro's surprise, Valentine's eyes were awash with tears. "So this is what you have become."
Miro was confused. "When did this conversation become a discussion of me ?"
"You've done all this thinking, you've seen all the possibilities for the future-- good ones and bad ones alike-- and yet the only one that you're willing to believe in, the imagined future that you seize upon as the foundation for all your moral judgments, is the only future in which everyone that you and I have ever loved and everything we've ever hoped for must be obliterated."
"I didn't say I liked that future--"
"I didn't say you liked it either," said Valentine. "I said that's the future you choose to prepare for. But I don't. I choose to live in a universe that has some hope in it. I choose to live in a universe where your mother and sister will find a way to contain the descolada, a universe in which Starways Congress can be reformed or replaced, a universe in which there is neither the power nor the will to destroy an entire species."
"What if you're wrong?"
"Then I'll still have plenty of time to despair before I die. But you-- do you seek out every opportunity to despair? I can understand the impulse that might lead to that. Andrew tells me you were a handsome man-- you still are, you know-- and that losing the full use of your body has hurt you deeply. But other people have lost more than you have without getting such a black-hearted vision of the world."
"This is your analysis of me?" asked Miro. "We've known each other half an hour, and now you understand everything about me?"
"I know that this is the most depressing conversation I've ever had in my life."
"And so you assume that it's because I am crippled. Well, let me tell you something, Valentine Wiggin. I hope the same things you hope. I even hope that someday I'll get more of my body back again. If I didn't have hope I'd be dead . The things I told you just now aren't because I despair. I said all that because these things are possible . And because they're possible we have to think of them so they don't surprise us later. We have to think of them so that if the worst does come, we'll already know how to live in that universe."
Valentine seemed to be studying his face; he felt her gaze on him as an almost palpable thing, like a faint tickling under the skin, inside his brain. "Yes," she said.
"Yes what?"
"Yes, my husband and I will move over here and live on your ship." She got up from her seat and started toward the corridor leading back to the tube.
"Why did you decide that ?"
"Because it's too crowded on our ship. And because you are definitely worth talking to. And not just to get material for the essays I have to write."
"Oh, so I passed your test?"
"Yes, you did," she said. "Did I pass yours?"
"I wasn't testing you."
"Like hell," she said. "But in case you didn't notice, I'll tell you-- I did pass. Or you wouldn't have said to me all the things you said."
She was gone. He could hear her shuffling down the corridor, and then the computer reported that she was passing through the tube between ships.
He already missed her.
Because she was right. She had passed his test. She had listened to him the way no one else did-- without impatience, without finishing his sentences, without letting her gaze waver from his face. He had spoken to her, not with careful precision, but with great emotion. Much of the time his words must surely have been almost unintelligible. Yet she had listened so carefully and well that she had understood all his arguments and never once asked him to repeat something. He could talk to this woman as naturally as he ever talked to anyone before his brain was injured. Yes, she was opinionated, headstrong, bossy, and quick to reach conclusions. But she could also listen to an opposing view, change her mind when she needed to. She could listen, and so he could speak. Perhaps with
To Miro's surprise, Valentine's eyes were awash with tears. "So this is what you have become."
Miro was confused. "When did this conversation become a discussion of me ?"
"You've done all this thinking, you've seen all the possibilities for the future-- good ones and bad ones alike-- and yet the only one that you're willing to believe in, the imagined future that you seize upon as the foundation for all your moral judgments, is the only future in which everyone that you and I have ever loved and everything we've ever hoped for must be obliterated."
"I didn't say I liked that future--"
"I didn't say you liked it either," said Valentine. "I said that's the future you choose to prepare for. But I don't. I choose to live in a universe that has some hope in it. I choose to live in a universe where your mother and sister will find a way to contain the descolada, a universe in which Starways Congress can be reformed or replaced, a universe in which there is neither the power nor the will to destroy an entire species."
"What if you're wrong?"
"Then I'll still have plenty of time to despair before I die. But you-- do you seek out every opportunity to despair? I can understand the impulse that might lead to that. Andrew tells me you were a handsome man-- you still are, you know-- and that losing the full use of your body has hurt you deeply. But other people have lost more than you have without getting such a black-hearted vision of the world."
"This is your analysis of me?" asked Miro. "We've known each other half an hour, and now you understand everything about me?"
"I know that this is the most depressing conversation I've ever had in my life."
"And so you assume that it's because I am crippled. Well, let me tell you something, Valentine Wiggin. I hope the same things you hope. I even hope that someday I'll get more of my body back again. If I didn't have hope I'd be dead . The things I told you just now aren't because I despair. I said all that because these things are possible . And because they're possible we have to think of them so they don't surprise us later. We have to think of them so that if the worst does come, we'll already know how to live in that universe."
Valentine seemed to be studying his face; he felt her gaze on him as an almost palpable thing, like a faint tickling under the skin, inside his brain. "Yes," she said.
"Yes what?"
"Yes, my husband and I will move over here and live on your ship." She got up from her seat and started toward the corridor leading back to the tube.
"Why did you decide that ?"
"Because it's too crowded on our ship. And because you are definitely worth talking to. And not just to get material for the essays I have to write."
"Oh, so I passed your test?"
"Yes, you did," she said. "Did I pass yours?"
"I wasn't testing you."
"Like hell," she said. "But in case you didn't notice, I'll tell you-- I did pass. Or you wouldn't have said to me all the things you said."
She was gone. He could hear her shuffling down the corridor, and then the computer reported that she was passing through the tube between ships.
He already missed her.
Because she was right. She had passed his test. She had listened to him the way no one else did-- without impatience, without finishing his sentences, without letting her gaze waver from his face. He had spoken to her, not with careful precision, but with great emotion. Much of the time his words must surely have been almost unintelligible. Yet she had listened so carefully and well that she had understood all his arguments and never once asked him to repeat something. He could talk to this woman as naturally as he ever talked to anyone before his brain was injured. Yes, she was opinionated, headstrong, bossy, and quick to reach conclusions. But she could also listen to an opposing view, change her mind when she needed to. She could listen, and so he could speak. Perhaps with
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