You Don't Know About Me by Brian Meehl Read Free Book Online Page B

in silence. Mom had sunk into one of her depressions. Sometimes it took a couple days for her to pray her way out of it. Another not-so-bad thing about being homeschooled: go-to-school kids had snow days, sure, but I had end-of-the-world days.
    I packed some clothes for camp. I got into bed and shoved the leather Bible, with the DVD back in it, under my pillow. It wasn’t to soak up verses in my sleep or anything like that. I was worried Mom might steal it.
    The amazing thing about the Bible is that it’s no regular book; it’s God’s Word. So when you stick it under your pillow,the Word is going to invade your brain whether you like it or not. The part that crept into mine was from Job, where Job plops down on a dung heap and wishes he hadn’t been born. God hadn’t exactly stripped me of everything and covered my body with boils, but I knew how Job felt. I wished I’d never been born.
    To stop feeling sorry for myself I asked WWJD? What would Jesus do? A handful of answers wormed out of the Bible and into my mind. The juiciest one was when Jesus is setting the Pharisees straight.
If anyone comes to me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple
.
    If Christ’s gospel of love starts with hating your family and your life, then Jesus was truly my savior. I was ready to Son-up and walk in His Way.

Note to the Lord #2
    T.L.
,
    You made me a bastard. When I opened my Bible to find what You say about bastards, here’s what I found.
A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the Lord
(Deuteronomy 23:2).
    Let me see if I got that. My children, my grandchildren, all the way to nine generations, won’t be going to heaven. Right?
But the Bible also says that children can’t be punished for their parents’ sins, and that only the wicked will suffer for the sins they
alone
commit (Ezekiel 18:20).
    Now I’m confused. So I can’t be punished for my parents’ sins, but because my parents never got married, it still means that me, the
bastard,
plus my offspring for nine generations will be shut out of heaven. If
both
these things are true, then the only way all this can stack up and not topple over is in a riddle.
    THE RIDDLE
If a kid can’t be punished for his parents’ sins, then why is the kid whose parents birthed him a bastard punished by being shut out of heaven?
    THE ANSWER (as far as I can figure
)
My parents weren’t the only ones who sinned. I did too. If human life, which is sinful, starts at the moment of conception, then so does sin. So sometime between the moment I was conceived and the moment I was born, I sinned in my mother’s womb, and my punishment was being born a bastard.
    Makes sense to me. Did I nail it?
    There’s just one thing I’m still wrestling with. What about the nine generations after me? I mean, You’re saying that, for whatever reason, they’re still going to be so sinful (in the womb or after) that they’ll be denied entrance to heaven too? So if I’m going to be the father of nine generations of sinners all going to hell, shouldn’t I do You and the world a mega-merciful favor and not have kids?
    As You can see, my prayer rug’s in a twist over this. I hope You can help me untangle it.
    Looking forward to Your answers, thoughts, Word slams, lightning bolts, or whatever zigzag loving-kindness You can spare.
    Your confused fan, then-now-forevermore,
Billy

1
Between the Covers
    I woke before dawn and checked under the pillow. The Bible was still there. Questions and worries zipped through my brain like bats. Morning takes forever when you’ve got brain bats.
    After breakfast I tossed my backpack and suitcase in the back of the car. I vowed to be sullen and silent during the ride to the bus taking me to Bible