You Will Never Find Me by Robert Wilson Read Free Book Online

hurt.’
    â€˜She didn’t like it that her boyfriend was eating out of Amy’s hand or that she was sleeping with Glider.’
    â€˜
I
didn’t like it either,’ said Mercy. ‘Little minx.’
    â€˜Minx?’
    â€˜I’m trying to make our daughter sound a bit more playful than a slut.’
    â€˜It reduced Karen in the pecking order, that’s why she didn’t like it,’ said Boxer. ‘And every time you thought Amy was off with Karen somewhere, she wasn’t. Karen was the cover. I think she’s feeling a bit used.’
    â€˜Planning,’ said Mercy. ‘Thinking ahead. I have to hand it to Amy for that. I admire her . . . for that.’
    â€˜That didn’t sound like planning to me.’
    â€˜Look at us here. Look at us doing what Roy Chapel knows is a waste of time,’ said Mercy. ‘Talking to her friends, finding out about her nefarious contacts. Amy’s a London kid. She understands a few things about this city. Just having Karen as a friend, rather than anybody from her fancy school. She knows the different strata of society. Drop out of one and into another and nobody will find you. Where are we going to look when we’ve exhausted the obvious? You can start in Cricklewood and I’ll get going in Catford. See you in three decades.’
    â€˜And Karen feels left out.’
    â€˜Amy can inspire belief. The belief that anything is possible. People like Karen think that if they attach themselves to someone like Amy some of that possibility might rub off. And then Amy dumps them. They’ve served their purpose.’
    â€˜She doesn’t care what people think of her,’ said Boxer. ‘That takes strength of character. Most people want to be liked. We admire those who don’t give a damn.’
    â€˜Maybe that’s what it’ll take,’ said Mercy. ‘She won’t understand until she’s cared for somebody herself.’
    They arrived back at Mercy’s house and Boxer went over to his car. He tried to call his mother. Still no answer. Mobile off.
    â€˜I’ll follow up Alleyne,’ said Mercy. ‘I’ll call you when I’ve hit that dead end.’
    He hugged her nicely, but not fiercely. They separated, still holding hands.
    â€˜Let’s not get down,’ said Boxer. ‘That’s the state she wants us to be in: questioning our own professionalism.’
    â€˜I’d better call the school,’ said Mercy, ‘even though I can’t imagine . . . ’
    â€˜You know the rules,’ said Boxer, squeezing her hand to his lips. ‘Everything by the book, until you throw the book away.’
    Boxer got into his car, left. Mercy found Amy’s teacher’s home phone number and put in a call. The teacher was shocked, especially when Mercy quoted Amy’s nihilistic views on education from her note. She hadn’t seen it coming. They spoke for half an hour, running through every possibility, the teacher giving her all the names of Amy’s ‘friends’ (none of whom had ever been mentioned by Amy) and how she would interview every one of them. Mercy kept up her end but knew this was going nowhere.
    She took a long bath, changed into casual clothes, jeans, a high roll-neck black jumper. She put on make-up. She knew precisely what she was doing. She finished and stared back at herself in the mirror, breathing the emotion down. She glanced at the hand where Boxer had kissed her, then back up to her own face looking for the chink that would reveal how pathetic she felt inside: the contemptible state of hopeful hopelessness where Boxer’s new liaison had left her.
    Downstairs, she picked up the keys, back into the car, drove to Railton Road, parked outside Alleyne’s house once more. There was a light on in his flat this time. She checked her eyes in the rear-view. What was going on in her head? She’d only ever