Your Next-Door Neighbor Is a Dragon by Zack Parsons Read Free Book Online

room had become a mathematical visualization of the music, hypnotic and a little overwhelming, like the bars on a giant, psychedelic equalizer.
    I presumed the effect was achieved by using some sort of projectors concealed behind the fabric and framework of the chamber’s three walls. Even knowing this, it was still impressive and a little disorienting.
    The chair began to shake. For a moment I thought it was the subwoofer blasting into my spine, but as my view of the procedural fireworks began to shift I realized the chair was rotating. It swiveled on the hydraulic lift until the dark glass of the windows was on my left side, then it rotated back in the opposite direction until the glass wall was on my right.
    “You vill listen to my voice,” Anders boomed from the speakers as if I had a choice. “You are entering zee Matrix.”
    On cue the visualizations shifted to the green alphanumeric waterfalls popularized by Zee Matrix .
    “You leave your body behind und your consciousness flows into zee digital realm. You are not any longer constrained by zee physical body. You can now be whoever it is you choose. Vatever you vant.”
    The green letters and numbers faded away and were replaced by a dynamic collage of faces. They appeared to be clipped from family photos and class pictures. Most were anonymous, but I recognized Anders among the faces. And there was President George W. Bush. And…Shannon Tweed. And was that her again in a red wig?
    “Now it is time to discover who you are and who you will be, Mr. Parsons!”
    Anders’s delivery was overwrought and almost gleeful. He was plainly enjoying his role as the disembodied voice of the Wizard of Oz.
    “The new you will begin to take shape from your unconscious and your consciousness. Your instincts will guide you. Are you ready?”
    I waited for a moment to be sure he wanted a response and then I answered, “Yes!”
    “Good. You are now immersed in zee stream of zee sensory data. You are beginning your journey of discovery. Look at zee images you see before you…”
    The screens faded to black.
    “…as each appears, speak aloud zee first word zat comes into your head. Do not hesitate. Do not think about your answer.”
    What might have been simple association was complicated by the audio that began to play along with the images. As the first image appeared—a photograph of a white cat rubbing its face against the corner of a coffee table—words began to bubble out of the speakers on the chair’s headrest.
    As the cat fully resolved on each of the walls I heard a steady stream of contradictory words and phrases.
    “Gold,” said a computer-generated woman.
    “Pickles,” said a computer-generated man.
    “Red. Red. Woman. King. Zero. Champion. Guitar,” the voices babbled in my ears, switching sides and overlapping.
    “Answer quickly!” Anders shouted over the main speakers.
    “Cat!” I answered.
    “Pumpkin. Pigeon. Book. Crease,” the voices continued, my auditory focus shifting through several bands of spoken words emerging from the speakers.
    A new photograph faded in on the screens. An image of a gleaming samurai sword held in a clenched fist.
    “Finger,” said the woman’s voice.
    “Finger!” I blurted.
    The image of the sword dissolved into a photograph of a basket full of apples.
    “Crane. Shoe. Hiccup. Porridge,” the voices babbled.
    “Fruit basket!” I shouted, but I had to think for a moment and resist the urge to simply parrot the words being spoken directly into my ear.
    The experience would be alien to most people outside of the former Soviet Union and parts of Cambodia. Maybe a few captured American spies were subjected to something like this by the KGB, but the average person has never been led into an empty room, sat in a dentist’s chair, and asked to yell out responses to images while techno music and random words blasted in their ears.
    The closest common experience might be attempting to count to a high number and being