hands to her sides and shook her head. âSorry. Iâm great. Just really tired after last night. And youâre right, things did turn out fine. As they were supposed to, I guess.â
Supposed to. The old âthings happen for a reasonâ bullshit or âthis was meant to happenâ excuse. He didnât buy any of it, and Alexâs death had reinforced that. There was no reason or meaning in his death or in the car accident that had caused Bex to miscarry. It was tragic and terrible. Period. End of story.
âIt wasnât easy,â he said quietly. Theyâd stupidly had unprotected sex while sheâd been taking antibiotics, which had negated the effects of her birth control pills. Upon learning she was pregnant, sheâd been upset. For her, the timing had been bad because sheâd had plans . For Hayden, however, the timing had been fine. Heâd had a great job, a supportive family, and heâd just bought a house in the town he planned to grow old in. The stage had been set for a happily-ever-after. âI was pretty broken for a long time.â
She took a step forward and looked as though she wanted to touch him, but that wasnât who they were anymore. âI know. I was, too. I know you didnât think that I was.â
Of course she would think that. In his anger and grief, heâd accused her of wanting to lose the baby, even after theyâd decided to have it and get married. But heâd been so upset. âI was young and stupid. And I felt guilty.â
The night of the accident, theyâd been arguing about where to live. It was dark, rainy, and the road had a vicious S-curve. Though heâd driven it hundreds of times, heâd miscalculated. The shoulder was unforgivingly slender and heâd driven right over it and into a deep ditch. It hadnât been a serious accident, and the doctor had said she mightâve miscarried anyway. But the hell of it was that theyâd never know. He hadnât driven that road since.
âYou donât feel guilty anymore?â Her expression softened into a smile. âIâm glad.â
Sheâd told him then that she didnât blame him. Which was maybe why heâd been so hard on himself. When the person you loved most in the world gave you a pass for something terrible, it was hard to let go of your own culpability. Or shame. Whatever. Heâd had a hard time living with himself for a while after that.
Hadnât they both agreed they didnât have to discuss this? âThis conversation is taking a real turn into the maudlin.â He infused his tone with as much levity as he could. âCompletely unnecessary, especially as youâre about to embark on the career of your dreams.â
She brightened. âYes! And youâre already doing your dream job, right? How are things going over there?â
He may as well continue the lie heâd told his siblings earlierâthat he was taking the job in Burgundy. It was only part lie, he reasoned. Chances are, he would be taking the job.
âReally well, actually. They offered me a position as assistant winemaker, and I start next month.â
Her eyes widened. âOh, wow. Thatâs great. Congratulations.â She squinted briefly. âHowâd your parents take it?â
He chuckled. She knew themâand himâso well. Or at least she had once. âI was just on my way down to tell them. Wish me luck.â
She laughed, and the sound was so familiar, so filled with fond memories, that it was like smelling gingerbread and instantly feeling like Christmas. âGood luck. And now I wonât worry about staying here. I was afraid that my being here in the house might be weirdâthe apartment isnât ready, and your mom doesnât know when it will be.â
âI see. Well, Iâm still going to be here three or four weeks.â He studied her expression, but couldnât quite read