I've Had It Up to Here with Teenagers by Melinda Rainey Thompson Read Free Book Online

to parent the last five like true professionals.
    One of my biggest disappointments in parenting is that each of our three kids is different. It makes me feel a little bit cheated.I’ve talked to other parents, and this is true in their families, too. Just when I figure out the best way to teach a life lesson or to handle a problem, the next kid presents totally different challenges. The perfect punishment for one kid doesn’t even faze another. It sure would be helpful if there were an instruction manual or a special-order form that came with each delivery. I can imagine it now: “Congratulations, new mama! It looks like you’ve got the new-baby math brain with just a smidgen of musical talent. You must be so proud! You and your husband enjoy that model, you hear? Please read the fine print before having sex. We do not accept returns or exchanges.”
    In many ways, parenting any teenager is one big experiment. You go into it with certain theories. You have hopes and dreams. It’s the biggest investment of your life, emotionally and financially. Each decision is potentially life altering. As a parent, you are responsible for growing a person. If you stop and think about that for a minute, it will bring you to your knees. I guarantee it.
    You can’t raise a teenager without spending way more time than you ever thought you would discussing consequences, punishments, reparations, and occasionally prison time. Whatever you call punishment at your house, it amounts to the same thing. If you make a rule, your kid is going to break it at some point along the way, if only to test the limits of your resolve. Then you have to decide what you want to do about that.
    Wide-ranging options are available—a whole world of possible repercussions for every infraction, many more than I have talked about in this chapter. And somebody thinks of something new every day. Sadly, there is an ever-expanding world of trouble your kids can get into. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of rule breaking. Other times, you’re dealing with basic morality, right andwrong, and the true nature of temptation. These days, you need a law degree and a medical license to raise children. Who knew? It is also helpful if you can channel Plato and some of his buddies. Parenting requires you to delve into meaty issues. In many ways, rearing teenagers is an ongoing case study in ethics and philosophy.
    Over the years, I have received more free advice about discipline than any other aspect of parenting. This surprises me. Browse the parenting section in your local bookstore. You’ll be amazed by what you find. Apparently, most parents have at least one moment when they wonder if their teenager is going to grow up to be a serial killer. The main thing to remember is that teenagers screw up and make bad choices, no matter what you say, how many warnings you give, and what kind of example you set.
    Parents differ in how they respond. One size does not fit all. You have to find what works for your kid and your family. The important things are to find the consequence that will work and to impose it consistently and as often as necessary to get the result you want: a happy, responsible, self-supporting adult who doesn’t live in your basement when he or she grows up.
    As far as I can tell, there’s no magic recipe. It’s a complicated mixture of carrots and sticks. You want to motivate and inspire like a sweet mama does, but you also want to come down like a ton of bricks on issues regarding safety, unkindness, laziness, and sheer cussedness. I wish I could tell you what to do. If I ever figure it all out, I’ll get a memo out ASAP. I can tell you only what has worked for me, the mean mama.
    When kids are still in single digits, consequences are relatively easy to apply. You can redirect, distract, or remove the temptation or the kid from the situation. Consequences are usually immediate, which is how it should be. Yesterday