A Kosher Dating Odyssey: One Former Texas Baptist's Quest for a Naughty & Nice Jewish Girl by van Wallach Read Free Book Online
Authors: van Wallach
demonstration, her work after publishing, my life since we last saw each other and all the typical first date/old friends topics. Time had taken its toll on both of us. She wasn’t the Yiddish sylph I remembered from twenty years earlier and I didn’t see a second meeting in the cards. Or so I thought.
A few months later I attended a Jcupid social event at the bar. I was interested in another woman then, Marsha, a lawyer I had gotten together with twice. I walked upstairs where only a few people had gathered and, to my surprise, saw Marsha and Mora together, chatting away. I smoothed over how I knew the two of them, and maybe told Marsha a few more details. I snapped a picture of them together and for years Marsha used an edited version of that photo on her dating profiles.
So, I chalked that one up to experience. I had many others. I always felt a jolt when I met a new woman and we connected. I would think, “Finally! Normal life, again.” Consider what I wrote in my journal late in 2003 about Dulce, a career-changing corporate executive. We both felt a spark and I wrote,
I finally got to hold hands after 2 ½ wretched years. Woman: Dulce. Place: Compo Beach. Time: around 11 p.m. after our dinner at the Black Duck Café. It felt glorious, her hand warm in, and then on, mine. We held hands, but no foot rubs or anything more intimate. When she dropped me off at my car at the Black Duck, we kissed twice, but not sloppily. Finally! I can still feel phantom warmth and touch on my hand.
We enjoyed cuddle sessions in my creaky 1986 Saab at frigid Connecticut beaches and fervent hand-holding at movies. I printed out her long and affectionate emails, written in bold purple type. “When is your birthday?” she coyly asked one January night, a question that suggests a long time horizon and exotic plans.
She wrote to me:
Van, I feel like I’m in a strange predicament with you and am not sure how to deal with it. I decided to just tell you honestly what I’m thinking. So, here goes ...
You seem great to me. I mean, great by my standards. It is not easy for me to find men that have the special combination of qualities that I appreciate.
That being said, I’m eager to continue getting to know you. However, I have to say honestly that I am disappointed in the way I look right now and don’t want you to be disappointed when meeting me. I recently returned to a more healthy lifestyle (exercise and healthful eating) and feel confident that I am now back on the right track.
So, how patient and optimistic are you?
Very patient and optimistic, I assured her. We got along great and she was an assertive PDA/hand-holder at movies and events—I liked that. Then, very quickly, Dulce talked about getting my child together with her nephews, and us coming to her family’s Passover seder. I told her I needed to think about that. Result: total silence. She never responded to me again, despite my efforts to restart contact. Her patience must have been limited, I suppose:
Still nothing from Dulce, although I see she looked at JDate, so she’s still alive. I called, emailed, texted, but nothing, so she must be mighty pissed at me.
Five years later, on a date, I saw her in an Indian restaurant. I recognized her instantly and she must have recognized me—I’m the same bald Jewish guy with glasses I was then. But given the circumstances, I decided to keep quiet. I simply noted that Dulce was dining with a man and woman—just the three of them on a Saturday evening.
Too bad about Dulce, but I kept moving. Over five years of on-and-off Internet dating, my batting average hovered around .250, meaning that from about a hundred contacts, twenty to thirty have led to something other than my being ignored, getting a polite thanks-but-no-thanks (or sending the same type of response myself). The others led to an exchange of emails through the dating site or an instant message chat, with a progressively smaller number
A few months later I attended a Jcupid social event at the bar. I was interested in another woman then, Marsha, a lawyer I had gotten together with twice. I walked upstairs where only a few people had gathered and, to my surprise, saw Marsha and Mora together, chatting away. I smoothed over how I knew the two of them, and maybe told Marsha a few more details. I snapped a picture of them together and for years Marsha used an edited version of that photo on her dating profiles.
So, I chalked that one up to experience. I had many others. I always felt a jolt when I met a new woman and we connected. I would think, “Finally! Normal life, again.” Consider what I wrote in my journal late in 2003 about Dulce, a career-changing corporate executive. We both felt a spark and I wrote,
I finally got to hold hands after 2 ½ wretched years. Woman: Dulce. Place: Compo Beach. Time: around 11 p.m. after our dinner at the Black Duck Café. It felt glorious, her hand warm in, and then on, mine. We held hands, but no foot rubs or anything more intimate. When she dropped me off at my car at the Black Duck, we kissed twice, but not sloppily. Finally! I can still feel phantom warmth and touch on my hand.
We enjoyed cuddle sessions in my creaky 1986 Saab at frigid Connecticut beaches and fervent hand-holding at movies. I printed out her long and affectionate emails, written in bold purple type. “When is your birthday?” she coyly asked one January night, a question that suggests a long time horizon and exotic plans.
She wrote to me:
Van, I feel like I’m in a strange predicament with you and am not sure how to deal with it. I decided to just tell you honestly what I’m thinking. So, here goes ...
You seem great to me. I mean, great by my standards. It is not easy for me to find men that have the special combination of qualities that I appreciate.
That being said, I’m eager to continue getting to know you. However, I have to say honestly that I am disappointed in the way I look right now and don’t want you to be disappointed when meeting me. I recently returned to a more healthy lifestyle (exercise and healthful eating) and feel confident that I am now back on the right track.
So, how patient and optimistic are you?
Very patient and optimistic, I assured her. We got along great and she was an assertive PDA/hand-holder at movies and events—I liked that. Then, very quickly, Dulce talked about getting my child together with her nephews, and us coming to her family’s Passover seder. I told her I needed to think about that. Result: total silence. She never responded to me again, despite my efforts to restart contact. Her patience must have been limited, I suppose:
Still nothing from Dulce, although I see she looked at JDate, so she’s still alive. I called, emailed, texted, but nothing, so she must be mighty pissed at me.
Five years later, on a date, I saw her in an Indian restaurant. I recognized her instantly and she must have recognized me—I’m the same bald Jewish guy with glasses I was then. But given the circumstances, I decided to keep quiet. I simply noted that Dulce was dining with a man and woman—just the three of them on a Saturday evening.
Too bad about Dulce, but I kept moving. Over five years of on-and-off Internet dating, my batting average hovered around .250, meaning that from about a hundred contacts, twenty to thirty have led to something other than my being ignored, getting a polite thanks-but-no-thanks (or sending the same type of response myself). The others led to an exchange of emails through the dating site or an instant message chat, with a progressively smaller number
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