A Life Worth Fighting by Brenda Kennedy Read Free Book Online Page A

checkered sundress with white sandals. Her long brown hair was in pigtails. Leah was looking beautiful like Jamie and was also wearing a yellow sundress.
    I looked at Jamie in the rear view mirror playing with her stuffed rabbit that she had named Jack. She looked so sweet and happy. I remember Leah touched my hand and I thought she had the softest skin I have ever felt.
    We were almost there when a car ran a red light and hit us on the driver side. I heard metal, sirens, and screaming.
    “Daddy, I have to go.”
    “Jamie, stay, I need to make sure you are all right. We had an accident.”
    “Daddy, I need to go. I love you and Mommy so much.”
    “Where are you going?” I try to open my eyes, but they refuse to open.
    “I need to go with Grandma. Daddy, it is so pretty, and you should see all the pretty flowers.”
    “Jamie, don’t leave me, I love you,” I cry.
    “I love you, too, Daddy. Grandma is waiting for me. Take care of Jack for me.”
    I feel something warm and wet on my face. I taste something metallic in my mouth. “We need a body bag,” someone yells, and the sound of that zipper echoes in my head.
    I wake up to Leah shaking me. “Robert, Robert, wake up.” I blink a few times and try to calm my racing heart. It wasn’t just a dream, it was a memory.
    “Were you dreaming of the accident?” Leah asks. She looks frightened and sad.
    “No,” I lie. “It wasn’t the accident,” I say again to try to reassure her. “Go back to sleep, Sweets.” I kiss her and hold her close. I know there won’t be any sleep for me tonight. When I am certain Leah is sound asleep, I get up and head to the basement.
    Leah
    When I wake up, Robert isn’t in bed with me. I look at the time on the cell phone: It’s 4:30 a.m. on a Sunday and it’s still dark outside. I used to panic when I would wake up and he was gone. I go into the bathroom, put on my robe, and make me a cup of coffee before heading for the backroom. The song “The Eye of the Tiger” is on repeat and Robert is taking out his frustration on the speed bag. I sit on the chair and watch him. My heart breaks for him. I remember he had a nightmare last night, and I know he was dreaming of the accident that took our Jamie from us. It still haunts us both. When the song pauses to start over again, I say, “You can’t bring her back, you know.”
    He wipes his sweaty forehead, removes his gloves, and walks over to turn off the music. “I wish it had been me. I should have died that day, not her.”
    I watch as he drinks from a gallon jug of water. “Don’t say that. It wasn’t your time.”
    “Why, Leah? Why was it her time? Why didn’t God take me and let her live? I lived my life. She was three years old for fuck’s sake.”
    I cry and say, “I don’t know why, I don’t have those answers. God, I wish I did. I miss her, too, Robert.” I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my robe. “I didn’t have enough time with her. I wanted longer, I wanted more time to love her.” The tears are a steady stream and I can barely see.
    Robert comes over and picks me up and carries me upstairs to bed. Although he is sweaty, I don’t care. We make love until the sun comes up. We both mourn for our little girl. Making love to Robert makes me feel alive and it makes me forget about the constant pain in my heart.
    We shower, I make a casserole for the church potluck, and then I toss the sheets in the washer before heading out the door for church. We walk into the church and I see Molly and Adam first. Molly and Adam are newly married and I like them both a lot. I hug them both and Robert hugs Molly next and shakes Adam’s hand. Robert takes the casserole and puts it in the church’s kitchen before we sit down. Alec, Emma, Raelynn, and James join us.
    “Hi, kids.”
    “Hi, Miss Leah,” they both say.
    Emma rubs her big pregnant belly as she sits down beside me. I look over and ask, “Is he kicking?” I always try to respect a pregnant woman’s space,