A Most Unconventional Match by Julia Justiss Read Free Book Online

‘Praise God I was out.’
    Jeffers smiled. ‘Having called so early on the expectation of finding you at home, Mrs Waterman was…less than pleased to discover you away. It took a glass of Madeira and some of Cook’s best biscuits to convince her you’d not deliberately conspired to have her quit her bedchamber at nearly dawn and go out in the early morning damp so prejudicial to her complexion, all the while knowing she would fail to find you here. Though she did condescend to leave these packages, I believe it would be accurate to infer that you are still in her black books.’
    â€˜Always am anyway,’ Hal mumbled.
    Jeffers nodded sympathetically. ‘Quite.’
    â€˜What’s in ’em?’ Hal gestured to the boxes. ‘Know you’ve looked.’
    Jeffers cleared his throat. ‘Mrs Waterman purchased some garments that she felt might assist you in updating your wardrobe to present a more fashionable appearance.’
    Hal rolled his eyes. ‘How bad are they?’
    Jeffers opened the first box. ‘Wellington pantaloons are quite stylish now,’ he said, shaking out the garment and holding it up.
    Grimacing, Hal inspected the long pants that featured side slits from calves down to ankles, where they fastened with loops and buttons at the heel. ‘Not so bad, but keep my breeches.’
    â€˜Very good, sir.’ The valet opened the next box, and with a determinedly straight face, held up a waistcoat.
    Alternating blue and yellow stripes, each nearly three inches wide, met Hal’s incredulous view.
    â€˜Mrs Waterman said it was all the crack,’ Jeffers informed him.
    Hal snorted. ‘Don’t doubt. On man my size, look like curtains out of bordello.’
    The valet’s lips twitched. ‘I believe this last item meant to avoid that by giving you a more…slender look.’ He removed the garment from its box and held it out.
    â€˜What the—?’ Hal exclaimed.
    â€˜â€™Tis a Cumberland corset,’ the valet explained. ‘The body contains whalebone stays, which, once placed about the waist, cinch in with these strings…’
    Hal nipped the garment from his servant’s hand, looked it over briefly—and burst out laughing. After a moment, Jeffers lost the battle to maintain an expressionless demeanour and started laughing as well.
    Finally containing his mirth, Hal wiped his eyes and tossed the corset back in its box, where it collapsed in a clunk of whalebone.
    â€˜I’d give ’em to poor, but poor not sapskulled enough to wear ’em. Take ’em, please.’ Hal stacked the boxes and handed them back to Jeffers. ‘New, and if know Mama, highest quality. Suppose you can sell ’em somewhere.’
    â€˜Should I place the money in the household accounts?’
    â€˜â€™Course not. Abominations yours now. As you well know, you damnable pirate. Sold enough of Mama’s gifts over years to fund retirement.’
    Jeffers grinned. ‘Thank you, sir, ’tis very generous.’
    â€˜Off with you,’ Hal said, grinning back. ‘One thing, Jeffers…’
    Already carrying away the boxes, the valet halted. ‘Sir?’
    â€˜Catch you wearing that waistcoat, you’re discharged.’
    Jeffers swallowed a chuckle. ‘If I should ever don a garment even remotely resembling that waistcoat, sir, you may have me taken straight to Bedlam. Oh, Mrs Waterman did mention she hoped you’d have the manners to return her call.’
    Hal sighed as he watched the heavily-laden Jeffers walk out. That was surely the purpose of his mother bringing gifts—besides her unslakeable urge to make purchases, of course. She knew that should she not find Hal at home, he would be obligated to call and thank her for her kindness.
    At which time she would probably chastise him for his ingratitude in not wearing the new trousers and waistcoat. Recalling the latter, Hal