A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator by Lemony Snicket Read Free Book Online Page B

heard the sounds of people getting ready for bed. On the seventeenth floor, they heard somebody ask their mother where the bubble bath was. On the thirty-eighth floor, they heard the sounds of somebody brushing their teeth. And on a floor very high up--the children had lost count again, but it must have been quite high, because Jerome was carrying Sunny--they heard someone with a deep, deep voice, reading a children's story out loud. All these sounds made them sleepier and sleepier, and by the time they reached the top floor the Baudelaire orphans were so tired it felt as if they were sleepwalking, or, in Sunny's case, being sleep-carried. They were so tired that they almost dozed off, leaning against the two sets of sliding elevator doors, as Jerome unlocked the front door. And they were so tired that it seemed as if Gunther's appearance had been a dream, because when they asked about him, Esme replied that he had left a long time ago. "Gunther left?" Violet asked. "But the doorman said that he was still here." "Oh, no," Esme said. "He dropped off a catalog of all the items for the In Auction. It's in the library if you want to look at it. We went over some auctioneering details, and then he went home." "But that can't be," Jerome said. "Of course it can be," Esme replied. "He walked right out the front door." The Baudelaires looked at one another in confusion and suspicion. How had Gunther managed to leave the penthouse without being spotted? "Did he take an elevator when he left?" Klaus said. Esme's eyes widened, and she opened and shut her mouth several times without saying anything, as if she were experiencing the element of surprise. "No," she said finally. "The elevator's been shut down. You know that." "But the doorman said he was still here," Violet said again. "And we didn't see him when we walked up the stairs." "Well, then the doorman was wrong," Esme said. "But let's not have any more of this somniferous conversation. Jerome, put them right to bed." The Baudelaires looked at one another. They didn't think the conversation was at all somniferous, a fancy word for something that is so boring it puts you to sleep. Despite their exhausting climb, the children did not feel the least bit tired when they were talking about Gunther's whereabouts. The idea that he had managed to disappear as mysteriously as he had appeared made them too anxious to be sleepy. But the three siblings knew that they would not be able to convince the Squalors to discuss it any further, any more than they had been able to convince them that Gunther was Count Olaf instead of an in auctioneer, so they said good night to Esme and followed Jerome across three ballrooms, past a breakfast room, through two sitting rooms, and eventually to their own bedrooms. "Good night, children," Jerome said, and smiled. "The three of you will probably sleep like logs, after all that climbing. I don't mean that you resemble parts of trees, of course. I just mean that once you get into bed, I bet you'll fall right asleep and won't move any more than a log does." "We know what you meant, Jerome," Klaus replied, "and I hope you're right. Good night." Jerome smiled at the children, and the children smiled back, and then looked at each other once more before walking into their bedrooms and shutting the doors behind them. The children knew that they would not sleep like logs, unless there were certain logs that tossed and turned all night wondering things. The siblings wondered where Gunther was hiding, and how he had managed to find them, and what terrible treachery he was dreaming up. They wondered where the Quagmire triplets were, since Gunther had time to prey on the Baudelaires. And they wondered what V.F.D. could mean, and if it would help them with Gunther if they knew. The Baudelaires tossed and turned, and wondered about all these things, and as it grew later and later they felt less and less like logs and more and more like children in a sinister and mysterious