Absolute Mayhem by Monica Mayhem Read Free Book Online

Mulvey,
whom I used to work with at CBA. He was living in
Putney, so he let me stay at his place for three months
until I found somewhere of my own. He didn't charge
me rent and even gave up his bedroom for me! (We're
still friends today.)
    My new job involved making sure that everything
relating to the trades from the IPE were put through the
system correctly and that all the transactions balanced
out at the end of the day. Underneath the glamour of all
that fast money being moved around, I honestly didn't
have a good time at all at Salomon Smith Barney. The
main reason was that the lady who was training me was
a complete nightmare, and she couldn't explain anything
properly. She was always very stressed out, usually over
nothing, and would take twenty cigarette breaks a day.
I hated working there. I'm sure a plum job at Salomon
Smith Barney sounds great to most people, but I didn't last
six months.
    Some of the guys were cool, but several of them
were sleazy. They talked among themselves, within my
hearing, about how they could see my G-string. One
of them even asked to buy my sweaty gym clothes,
which really stunned me because he wasn't kidding.
(I never sold them to him, in case you're wondering.)
He was always making some kind of sexually suggestive
remark about me and would talk to the other boys about
what I was wearing that day. There were also times when
he would get drunk and hit on me. I couldn't believe
these guys! Back in Australia, it would have been the
grounds for a sexual-harassment suit, but I didn't really
know what the protocol was in the UK. I doubt I would
have gone through with it anyhow, as I always prefer to
sort my problems out myself.
    There were so many things that I just didn't care for
about London. Firstly, as everyone knows, there was the
freezing-cold weather and the rain. I felt as if I could
never get warm outside, and everywhere I went it was
boiling hot inside, which was so ridiculous to an Aussie
girl like me.
    Secondly, there were the crowds – I couldn't move
without someone bumping into me. This seemed to suit
some people just fine, though, because I actually got felt
up on the Tube by some guy in a business suit. It was
rush hour, on the way to work, and the train was jam-packed.
I was standing, holding on to a strap with one
hand and my purse and umbrella with the other. I was
dying of heat in my big coat, and the guy standing next
to me – conveniently crushed in like the rest of us –
said, 'It's like a pack of sardines, eh?'
    I said, 'Yep.' And the next thing I knew, I felt his hand
try to get around my umbrella and my purse. He wasn't
interested in stealing my money; he was trying to get his
hand under my coat!
    I thought, well, it is kind of crowded and maybe I'm
imagining things, so I moved a little to try to brush him
off. But he kept doing it. I elbowed him really hard but
it didn't stop him and I didn't know what to do. He still
kept on and I kept trying to move away but there was
nowhere to go. Finally, the train stopped and I pushed
my way through the crowd. I got off at whatever station
it was – I didn't care! I was totally freaked out. I couldn't
believe what had just happened. Ever since then, I get
panic attacks when I'm in crowds. We all drive in Los
Angeles, so I can't even imagine catching a crowded
train these days.
    Then, thirdly, the food in London was just not to
my liking. They heaped mayonnaise and cheese on
every sandwich. I ate a lot of crap, except for the soups,
which I loved, and the pub roasts, which were great.
You can get a good meal if you have a lot of money to
spend in a fancy restaurant, but there was little that was
cheap and good. I did eat a lot of Indian food, which
I thought was the best food in London. It was relatively
affordable, too, and to this day I still absolutely love
Indian food, although those creamy sauces are very
fattening.
    And that leads me to my fourth and final problem –
the sheer cost of living in London, which was