After the Wreck, I Picked Myself Up, Spread My Wings, and Flew Away by Joyce Carol Oates Read Free Book Online

you might remove your hat when…”
    I don’t, though. I’m wearing the hat. Mom had one exactly like it, we bought them at a summer place in the Berkshires.
    Mr. Goddard is a fattish middle-aged man with a welcoming TV voice. But his eyes are steely, staring at me like he’s been warned This is the freaky girl who killed her mother.
    “Well, Jennifer Abbott! Welcome to…”
    My aunt and Mr. Goddard do most of the talking. Yarrow Lake is such a small community, naturally they have friends in common. My aunt seems to like Mr. Goddard, and Mr. Goddard seems to like my aunt: He’s registering that Dwight McCarty is an architect, and Plymouth Street is a good address.
    “…transcripts appear to be in order. Tarrytown Day is an excellent school, I’ve been told. And your record is…”

    Aunt Caroline asks about advanced placement classes, and Mr. Goddard tells her these have been cut back except for seniors, the Yarrow Lake School District has had to trim its budget. Aunt Caroline seems mildly disappointed yet sympathetic.
    “…not a large school, fewer than three hundred fifty students but plenty of talent, brimming with school spirit. Did you happen to see our production of Romeo and Juliet last spring, Mrs. McCarty? A columnist for the Yarrow Lake Journal compared it to a ‘thoroughly professional production.’…”
    Aunt Caroline didn’t see the production but heard “wonderful things” about it.
    The adults are looking at me. I think I must have been asked a question. The palms of my hands are sweaty. For a scary moment I can’t think where I am or why. Why has Aunt Caroline brought me here? Mom must be outside in the car if Aunt Caroline is here.
    After tonight, if I can hold off until tonight, there will be just one codeine tablet left.
    “…any questions, Jennifer?”
    Any questions! My head is buzzing.
    When you wear a grimy white sailor hat with the rim pulled low, there’s lots you are spared seeing.
    “Thank you, Mr. Goddard. I don’t think so.”

    Somehow, I manage to get the words out. My voice sounds gravelly, as if it hasn’t been used in a while. Aunt Caroline glances sidelong at me in relief.
    Is the visit ending? The adults are shaking hands. Already I’m out of the office. It occurs to me only now that of course my aunt spoke with Mr. Goddard before this meeting, told him about my mother, my “trauma,” my “split” family. How I was coming to live in Yarrow Lake because there was nowhere else for me.
    Outside, I’m too restless to get into Aunt Caroline’s car. Some fragment of my dream of last night returns to me, a memory of running, the way I used to run. A memory of being happy.
    I want that time again! I don’t want this time.
    Aunt Caroline joins me at the car, smiling happily. What a nice man Mr. Goddard is. How lucky we are that the school district is allowing me to transfer at such a late date.
    “Why don’t we celebrate, Jenna? Day-before-school outing? I have some errands to do in town, then I can pick up Becky and Mikey, and we can all have lunch at the Lakeside Inn.” Aunt Caroline’s voice falters just a little, the Lakeside Inn was a favorite of Mom’s.
    Quickly I tell my aunt that I guess I want to walk for a while.

    I don’t need a ride back to the house, I tell her. I’m feeling that I want to walk.
    Need to get away from you. Need to breathe!
    Aunt Caroline is trying not to look hurt. Saying maybe she could join me. There’s a lovely wood-chip trail that follows the creek, she could show me. “I need exercise too! Last year I was running fairly regularly, but this year…Why don’t you come back to the house, Jenna, and I’ll change my clothes? I’ve bought new running shoes.”
    This is so pathetic. Aunt Caroline practically pleading with me. And I know if I say yes, it will turn out that Becky and Mikey come with us, they’re not going to stay home with the nanny while Mommy and Jenna go running in the park.
    “Aunt Caroline, I’d like to