All The Nice Girls by John Winton Read Free Book Online

marriage ceremony, it authorised in public form an agreement which had been consummated in private some time before. When the conference reached the last and least important list of defects, an exasperated Bodger decided to take a firmer stand.
    The list of less important defects, known as the White Defect List, was a list of requests for shelves to be rearranged, for an extra drawer to be fitted, for an awkward step to be removed, or for a cover to be made for a piece of equipment which was always being drenched with sea water. They were almost all small items, designed to make living in the submarine more comfortable for the ship’s company and they were always very dear to a submarine captain’s heart. It was a very pusillanimous submarine captain who did not put up a fight for his White Defect List. The Bodger was sure that on his deathbed Broody would have whispered: ‘Let not my poor White Defect List starve.’
    When he discovered that most of the White List was not going to be undertaken, The Bodger let out a roar of indignation which made the whole conference start and look sideways at the end of the table. To tell the truth, they had quite forgotten that the ship’s officers were present.
    ‘Am I to understand,’ The Bodger demanded, ‘that almost the whole of this list is not approved? Without any discussion whatsoever?’
    ‘Commander,’ Mr Day began, ‘it’s a question of . . .’
    ‘Might I remind you gentlemen,’ The Bodger breathed heavily down his nose, while Dagwood, remembering the danger signals, grasped firmly the seat of his chair, ‘that this refit has two purposes? The first is the repair and maintenance of the hull and machinery. I don’t profess to know all the technical ramifications of that. There are too many people here who know much more about it than I do. But the second purpose of the refit is to make this ship a better fighting unit and that means making.it more convenient for people who’ve got to fight in it, bearing in mind the experiences of the first commission. And this is something I do know about! I was the first Captain to take this very submarine to sea so I know what I’m talking about. Take the first item on the list. Item number one. To fit a screen over the forrard bunk in the sailors’ mess. Now I happen to know who sleeps in that bunk. It’s one of the asdic watch-keepers. You’re going to put a simply splendid asdic set in the boat during this refit. I’ve just heard you say so. But that asdic set has got to be worked by a sailor and what sort of watchkeeper is that sailor going to be if every time he goes off watch he finds his bunk soaked in condensation? The ship’s company were sometimes at sea in that submarine for six weeks at a stretch. How many of you know exactly what that means?’
    The conference considered. It was not an aspect of the refit which had ever occurred to them before.
    The Bodger glowered down the table. ‘Stand up the man here who’s spent six weeks at sea in a submarine? Any of you?’
    The conference sat small in their chairs and looked straight in front of them.
    ‘Mr Day, have you got a price quoted for this screen?’
    ‘Why yes, Commander, thirty pounds.’
    ‘Thirty pounds hissed The Bodger contemptuously, as though Mr Day had quoted thirty pieces of silver. ‘And how much is the new asdic set going to cost?’
    ‘Well Commander,’ Mr Day glanced uncomfortably at Sir Rollo, ‘this is really a matter for the Admiralty to decide . . . they tell us what they want done ... In any case the exact cost is not final. . .’
    ‘But it will be several thousands of pounds?’
    ‘Well, that isn’t. . .’
    ‘Won’t it?’
    ‘Yes, Commander.’
    Sir Rollo frowned. ‘Somebody show me,’ he said.
    Mr Day pointed out the item.
    ‘Do it.’
    ‘Sir Rollo, this isn’t included in the price we’ve quoted . . .’
    ‘Then do it for nothing man!’
    The Bodger saw that he had scored a major forensic triumph. He hastened to