Always and Forever by Soraya Lane Read Free Book Online Page A

big design book, the one she always kept on her desk, and looked at her most recent sketches.
    Lisa took a deep, shuddering breath. A wave of sadness crashed toward her but she fought hard, didn’t let it take hold. This was her sanctuary. This was her happy place, where she could be alone and do her work, lose herself in her creations. Somewhere she didn’t have to think about children or cancer or the fact she was supposed to be feeling grateful that she’d been cured and didn’t have to endure chemo or anything else on top of what she’d already been through.
    She opened iTunes and clicked on her design playlist, let the music wash over her, feeling the beat, her lips moving almost instantly to the Macklemore & Ryan Lewis track she sometimes listened to on repeat when she was designing.
    She could do this. She could actually do this.
    Lisa picked up her pencil and put it between her teeth as she flipped to a fresh page.
    She could do this.

7.
    M att gritted his teeth and knocked back the shot of whiskey. If his friends had stayed and he’d been having a few more beers, he’d have been okay. But nothing about seeing his wife suffering with her grief, and wondering why the hell he still felt he was losing her even though she’d survived, was any part of okay. He slid the glass across the bar, swallowing the burn, wishing it hurt harder so it blocked out his thoughts. All he knew was that being here was a hell of a lot easier than being at home.
    “Another,” he ground out, clearing his throat. He’d told Lisa he’d be home after work, before dinner, but he’d never made it.
    His mom had passed away eleven years ago, but the pain was still there, the loss of a parent something that would forever haunt him. But now with Lisa suffering, still recovering from her cancer surgery, the pain was raw, more real. He shut his eyes, thinking back, no longer fighting the memories that had been drifting into his vision every time he tried to fall asleep, every time he stopped thinking about his wife and what he could do for her. His mom was haunting him, the memory of her dying, the feeling of helplessness that he’d long since buried.

    Matt walked silently over to the bed. He’d been told not to, that he should remember his mom the way she looked in his mind, but h e nee ded to see her. If he didn’t say goodbye and see for himself that she was gone, he knew he’d never believe it.
    “Mom?” he said hoarsely as he approached, glancing behind him to make sure the door was still shut, that no one had followed him in. He didn’t want anyone to hear him, and he sure as hell didn’t want anyone to see him.
    “Mom.” It was a whisper this time as he stood over her, reaching for her hand and holding it so carefully, afraid he might break her.
    She was gone. He could see there was no one there anymore, that it was just her lifeless body forlorn on the bed. Tears started to fall down his cheeks but he angrily brushed them away, sniffed hard and wiped his nose with the arm of his shirt. It wasn’t right, her lying there like that, so bare, so exposed. She would never have shown that much skin.
    Matt carefully put her hand down, back on the bed; her skin was almost translucent. Before she’d become sick, she’d always had a tan, was outside more than she was in, but now her skin was ghostly white. He was finding it harder and harder to remember his beautiful mom the way she’d always been, her dark hair falling to her shoulder blades, a big smile always firmly in place, making her mouth tilt up every time she looked at him. That was the mom he wanted to remember for the rest of his life, but right now he wanted to give his mom some dignity.
    “Excuse me, but . . . ”
    Matt spun around, glaring at the nurse who’d interrupted him.
    “What?” he snapped.
    “It’s just that we need to clear the room and . . . ”
    “Get the fuck away from my mother!” he screamed.
    His father appeared then, eyes dark, days’