An Accidental Mother by Katherine Anne Kindred Read Free Book Online

and I tend to come home from the mall with them sticking out of a purse or a pocket in order to surprise him. Years ago Michael slept with only his blue teddy bear, but as his collection has increased, things have become a little more complicated. As I watch him move the little creatures around the bed before I tuck him in, I wonder if his staging has a methodology or if the practice is simply meant to delay bedtime and prevent me from leaving the room. He still sleeps with Blue Bear, who goes on his right; the oversized stuffed dog that looks like a German shepherd is placed on his left. The majority of the toys are very small, and he lines them up alongside his pillow, some nights switching them from side to side. The last time I counted, he was keeping twenty-five stuffed animals in his bed, and each time he adds one to themix it takes him longer to reorganize them before going to sleep. So is he just stalling, or is this a ritual that brings him comfort and consistency? Perhaps it is both.
    Unknowingly, I am about to create a new ritual for us. It’s the spring of 2006, and a new season of the hit television show
American Idol
is about to begin. The panel of judges (two record producers and a former pop-music star) have hit the road for the fifth year, visiting stadiums and concert halls across the country to give thousands of pop-star wannabes a one-song audition and the opportunity to compete for the title of the next “American Idol.” Although the three judges select the group that will “go to Hollywood” (meaning the first major round of the competition), it is the American public who will ultimately select the next idol by phoning in votes for their favorites.
    I saw only the end of the first season and missed those that followed. But the first-year winner, KellyClarkson, had steady success, and eventually her second CD found its way into my car. I used to play it on the way to day care. Michael would tell me which songs were his favorites and ask me to play them over and over again. Kelly Clarkson walked away with a Grammy for that CD, and her renewed popularity reignited my interest in
Idol
. So when the fifth season was announced I decided to tune in.
    One night after the first performer sang, Michael looked over to me and stuck his thumb sideways in the air. “Up or down?” he asked me.
    Laughing aloud and certain he had learned this from someone at school, I immediately stuck my thumb up, confirming my approval of the performance. From then on, after every performance Michael would hold up his thumb and turn to me in question. When a contestant had an especially rough night, Michael and I would look at each other quickly, and I would watch the grin spread across his face as he followed my lead by giving the thumbs-down.
    Every Tuesday after homework and dinner Michaeland I would settle down into the sofa while Jim walked past it, rolled his eyes, shook his head, and sneaked upstairs to hide out on his computer. Once Jim was out of the room Michael would smile at me and snuggle closer as we settled in to watch the evening unfold. Whether he really cared about any of these performers remains a mystery, but he seemed to treasure this shared time, having my full attention and engaging me in constant conversation, thrilled that I wanted his opinion about how someone sang or looked or whether they were going to get voted off.
    As the weeks went by we were soon down to the last twenty contestants and found ourselves rooting for Elliott Yamin. He was small of stature, in need of orthodontics, and didn’t have much stage presence, but his beautiful voice could send gooseflesh up and down my arms. To further justify our devotion, it was revealed that Elliott was not only struggling to manage diabetes but had a 90 percent hearing loss in one ear. The fact that he could carry a tune at all was extraordinary, let alone the fact that he was one of the best vocalists. Michaeland I would always