Anger by May Sarton Read Free Book Online

Pittsburgh that weekend, the Bach B-Minor Mass.”
    â€œEarly in December then.”
    â€œCan it be a very small wedding?” she asked, suddenly meek.
    â€œOf course. We’re much too old for a big affair. That is for the innocents of twenty-one.”
    â€œI’m scared,” Anna said, “and what will your mother think?” All the impossible things about marriage were swarming in her head … leaving her own mother … being interrupted in her work … being catapulted into a world she instinctively disliked.
    â€œI couldn’t care less what mother thinks. We just manage to tolerate each other, as it is.”
    Anna laughed, “And when I come on stage it will be open warfare?”
    â€œConcealed under oceans of self-pity and perfect manners.”
    â€œOh Ned …” She was fascinated by the dry tone with which he spoke of matters that usually were spoken of, if at all, with emotion. She decided that she had to be honest there and then, tell him the truth. “I’ll tell you why I have doubts.”
    â€œYou’re not allowed to, you’ve said yes,” he said briskly.
    â€œThe thing is I hate money. It makes me uncomfortable. You’re too rich, Ned. That’s one trouble, isn’t it?”
    â€œYou’re asking me?” he teased. “Very well, you shall have all the money you make and I shall have all the money I make and never the twain shall meet!”
    â€œBe serious,” Anna commanded.
    â€œWell then, what’s wrong about money? It’s quite a useful commodity. It buys freedom from certain anxieties.”
    â€œYes,” Anna said, twirling her glass and frowning, “of course, but at a price. It also buys houses and cars and responsibilities and servants.”
    â€œNot any more … there aren’t any servants, my mother tells me, and the only one I have is not even a servant in the old-fashioned sense of a loyal retainer, but instead a team of young men who come in like a whirlwind once a week, make an infernal noise, and leave the wastebaskets upside down on the beds.”
    â€œI shall feel I am going into a foreign land without knowing the language. Oh Ned,” she said again, “let’s wait till the New Year.”
    â€œLet’s not. Think of all the fun we are going to have!”
    â€œAre we?” She opened her eyes wide. “We aren’t even lovers,” she said. “It’s just possible that one of us will feel shipwrecked on a desert island … imagine marrying someone you hardly know. It’s crazy, Ned, absolutely crazy!” For what Anna was chiefly feeling at that moment was that the whole thing was unreal … that neither Ned nor she was really there, present in the flesh. It had become like a scene in a sophisticated comedy—and that was not something she could handle at all. And she who had held Ned with her eyes all through dinner now could not bring herself to look at him. She was overcome by shyness and terror.
    â€œWhat made you propose? You were cross with that man, that’s all. You wanted to assert yourself against … against …”
    â€œAgainst what?”
    â€œMe, I suppose.” She lifted her head now and looked at Ned quite coldly.
    â€œI proposed because I am madly in love with you, because I want you, Anna, more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. You must believe me.”
    Anna burst into laughter. She couldn’t help it.
    â€œWhat’s funny?” Ned asked, obviously nettled by being put down just when he had made a declaration of passionate love.
    â€œDear Ned, has anyone ever uttered the words you just uttered in that tone of voice?”
    â€œDid you want me to shout? The people at the next table are far too interested in whatever is going on as it is.”
    â€œI didn’t want anything but—a little warmth perhaps.”
    They were saved at that moment by the waiter