Anything But Zombies by Gerald Rice Read Free Book Online

as scared of living, breathing people as he was of zombies. Or ghouls. He couldn’t remember which name they’d decided on. Not that it mattered, because Vinnie and Melanie had abandoned him.
    Otto was still staring.
    â€œWhy me, Otto? I’m a good guy. I wash. I might have done some bad things in my life but nothing to warrant this crap. Maybe that’s what God is looking for . . .” Barry ignored another banging noise from above. “I’m being tested. He wants me to confess my sins and then he’ll save me.”
    Otto blinked once.
    â€œExactly,” Barry said. He waved the beer bottle in his hand. “I knew you agreed with me.”
    Otto blinked twice in rapid succession.
    â€œWhen I was five I stole a cookie from a supermarket. The package was open on the shelf and the store was getting ready to close. The lights were being turned off slowly, and my parents were in line. So I took one and put it in my pocket. I never got caught. I also forgot it was in my pocket and it got washed with my shorts.”
    The door to the basement squeaked slightly but didn’t open.
    Barry closed his eyes. “When I was nine I was sitting behind Jeanine in class. I could see the top of her underwear. I got excited. Not . . . physically excited, but I’d never seen a girl’s undies before. Then, when we were in high school, I told Jeanine I’d been trying to see her underwear again ever since. I think she was mad, because she poured her milk on my head. But maybe God got me back for that one. So forget I mentioned it.”
    Barry opened his eyes and Otto was gone.
    Had he been a ghost all along? Another monster plaguing Barry? Or just a weird dude who was quiet when he walked?
    â€œI’m insane. That’s it. None of this is real. I’ve been imagining people down here with me. Of course. There is no bitch vegan chick with a nice rack. It is part of my own psyche. I am a bitch vegan chick at times. Of course. And Vinnie was my tough but lovable side. I get it now. Otto was my inner self, my soul. He was watching and listening and now he’s gone to heaven to see Baby Jesus and Aunt Gladys,” Barry said.
    But there was still plenty of noise upstairs and Barry wasn’t about to go investigate. Screw that.
    The door to the basement opened and there stood Otto, a thin light shining behind his head like a halo. He held a small object in his hand before casting it in Barry’s direction.
    Barry caught it and smiled. Before he could thank the mysterious Otto, the door closed again and Barry used the bottler opener to begin his last hours on this earth drunk.
    ----
----
    Vinnie opened two microbrews and handed one to Jim, who didn’t really look like a Jim any more than he looked like an Otto.
    Melanie came back from talking to the police officer who was standing outside the convenience store and laughed. “I guess it’s over. They already starved and died. No more zombies and/or ghouls. I’m going to go home and take a bath.”
    Jim nodded. “It was fun hanging out with you guys.”
    â€œYou didn’t say a word,” Vinnie said.
    â€œI like to listen. I’m a good listener. I’d rather take everything in first and then do what I have to do,” Jim said.
    â€œWho’s going to tell Barry this nightmare is over?” Melanie asked before walking away, making it clear it wouldn’t be her.
    â€œI’ll do it,” Jim said. “I figured he needed some time to himself. He was really going to town confessing some major sins down there. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was over. Besides, he’ll come up when he’s out of beer and realize God saved him.”
    â€œYou know what? Get out of here. I want to go and apologize to Barry anyway. I should’ve come back for him when I knew it was safe. It was great meeting you, Jim.”
    Jim shrugged. “All right. Have a good