begging for freedom.
Erik screamed. A high-piercing sound escaped his throat and the sound echoed in his ears. After what seemed like eons he could make out Malgar’s large round body rumbling down the hallway, followed by others.
“What’s the matter, boy?” Malgar shouted as he shook Erik trying to bring him out of the chaotic vortex of his mind.
Erik pointed into the room, his hands trembling. The door had closed to a crack. Malgar let Erik go and pushed the door open to reveal the gory scene. With Malgar’s large hands gone Erik turned around and retched all over himself.
*****
The wood supporting his mother’s lifeless body crackled and popped as the fire consumed it. Many people called her names, most of them not good; whore and wench highlighted the milder terms. Erik preferred, Maria and Mom. She had worked hard at being the best mother she thought she could be. He wished he had been able to tell her how happy he made her.
The townsfolk thought the funeral exceeded the lowly woman’s station. Erik knew there should have been much more. She worked her entire life for his benefit alone. She had made much more difficult decisions on a daily basis for him than most of the proper people in town would make in a lifetime. Erik knew his existence put her in danger but she never blamed him for it. She had always told him about the blessing she received when she had him.
Erik stood next to Malgar, watching his mother’s remains turn to ash. Whoever had taken care of her body after Erik had found her had done a remarkable job. She lay as radiant today as the last morning Erik spent with her. Only once, and briefly, did Erik ponder how much this skill must have cost.
“Do you want to stay until the embers die?” Malgar asked with a sigh.
Time passed without an answer. The knot in his throat would not allow an answer. Erik could no longer look at the fire burning in front of him. His eyes turned toward the blue sky for whatever comfort it would give. The sky opened to nothing, an emptiness which matched his heart. Erik turned away and started walking down the hill toward the city.
“What do you want done with her ashes?” Malgar asked as he hurried to catch up.
“I don’t know. What’s customary?” Erik said, his voice returning to him.
“Well, some people prefer to keep them.”
Erik stopped walking and pondered. “No. That would just keep the hurt with me, not her.”
Malgar nodded. “I think you’re right. I always thought it was kind of a morbid thing to do myself but I guess it helps some people.” Malgar shifted his weight a few times and rubbed his chin. He would start a word only to cut it off mid-syllable with a look of frustration. With a look of surrender he said, “You know, some people go to a place their loved one liked or a place that had a special meaning in their lives together and cast the ashes across them.”
Erik thought of all the places he remembered going to with his mother. He liked the idea better.
“Mom liked the trees.” Erik saw Malgar’s face brighten when he broke the silence. “Every once in a while, when times were not so tough and the sky was blue, like today, she would take me to the woods outside the west gate of the city. I always thought it was an awful long walk. She would take me out there and we would have lunch under a tree right next to a clearing. Sometimes she would sing, even though she knew she wasn’t good at it. I am going to miss that. Her singing always gave me some comfort. You know it is not all that much of a walk, now that I think about it.”
Erik turned around to watch the black smoke rise into the sky. Erik tried to imagine his mother’s spirit lifting upward with the billows. He saw the smoke rise to the empty sky but there was nothing he could use to fool himself into feeling better. The tears came again and he could not stop them. Malgar held out his hands and Erik fell into the cavity of his embrace. His arms wrapped
Marguerite Henry, Bonnie Shields