Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice by Doreen Virtue Read Free Book Online Page A

me!
    Now is it really true that you’re the only one who can rescue the person? What are some alternatives for him if you weren’t available to rescue him? Please be honest with yourself about the answers to these questions.
    You become addicted to rescuing when there’s a pattern across several relationships where you’re the clear rescuer and the other person is a victim in need of rescuing. Rescue addiction has the classic hallmarks shared with other addictions: You start to depend upon the behavior in order to feel whole, happy, or important. You conduct rescuing impulsively by immediately saying “I’ll do it!” without first considering alternatives or the aftermath.
    The rescue addiction, like any addiction, leads to messy consequences. Soon after enlisting yourself to rescue someone, you start to experience familiar feelings creeping in: being overwhelmed with too much to do; resenting that no one else is helping; feeling unappreciated by those you’re helping; wishing you were instead spending time on a personally meaningful project; and feeling guilty because you’re conflicted about rescuing the person. These feelings are intensified even more if the person you’re rescuing begins to make additional demands on your time or other resources.
    So, what’s wrong with rescuing? A lot! If you rescue others, you rob them of the chance to develop problem-solving skills. You also give people a safety net to get entangled in another crisis, because they know that they can depend upon you to bail them out. In addition, the addiction is caustic to your self-esteem because you don’t have a healthy, real relationship with those whom you rescue. Instead, the relationship makes you feel that you’re only loved for what you can do for others, instead of being loved for who you are. That’s a lonely feeling that leads to the downward spiral of low self-worth.
    Volunteering for Committees
    Volunteer service is God’s work, in that volunteers fulfill much-needed roles in communities. But there’s a balance some Earth Angels need help achieving!
    It’s one thing to volunteer to assist part-time with a project that’s dear to your heart. But it’s another thing to feel railroaded and pressured to join multiple committees in which you have no interest.
    Unless you’re sure that the volunteer work brings you joy, skip it. You’re not truly giving unless you’re giving from a place of love. There are plenty of volunteer positions available that are aligned with your personal passions and natural interests.
    Similar to this are committees at your job that are unpaid and which you’re pressured to join. Remember that it’s okay to say no to activities for which you don’t have the extra time. As long as you’re doing your regular job well, you’ll be appreciated. And if you’re not appreciated at work, it’s time to dust off your résumé and look for a position where you will be!
    Discernment, Not Judgment
    Earth Angels pride themselves on being nonjudgmental. That’s why it’s important for them to develop a sense of discernment instead.
    Discernment operates off of the Law of Attraction. It says: I am attracted to this; I am not attracted to that . For example, discernment might say that you’re not drawn to something. Judgment, on the other hand, labels everything as either being good or bad. So it’s more intellectual in its scope. With judgment, you’d say: This person is bad. That person is good . With discernment, the Law of Attraction would say: I am attracted to this person. I am not attracted to that person .
    With discernment, you’re honest with yourself about how you feel in the presence of another person or situation. You don’t try to rationalize your feelings. You don’t downplay them. You listen to and honor them with discernment!
    Be discerning about whom you hang out with,