At Any Moment (Gaming The System Book 3) by Brenna Aubrey Read Free Book Online

his body wanted it, but apparently his mind didn’t agree.
    “I’m tired…” he began. But I knew that wasn’t the reason. I knew Adam and he rarely, scratch that, never passed up the chance for sex—at least in the few short months that we’d been together as a healthy couple.
    “You’re still angry with me,” I said. It wasn’t a question.
    He hesitated. “No.”
    “Then…?”
    “It’s too soon. It’s—I’m sorry, but I can’t stop worrying about you, in this condition…”
    I nodded, unable to explain or even understand myself this hurt that rose up like prickles in the back of my throat.
    He seemed to sense it. “Mia, I want you. I do. But we shouldn’t do anything tonight.”
    It was hard to explain the bitterness that drowned out the hurt. Maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe everything was completely uncertain…
    But he wasn’t being honest with me. He was angry, resentful. I needed him but that didn’t matter to him. I took a deep breath and his hands were gentle on me, guided me to rest against him.
    I reminded myself that he needed time, too. That mind of his, it was always going, and likely he wouldn’t rest easy until something was settled between us…one way or the other.
    We had no idea what our future would be even two days from now. But in his arms, I’d always felt beautiful, like the most important, desired and gorgeous woman in the world. The center of his universe.
    I laid my head against his shoulder and his arms came around me. I wanted things to go back to the way they’d been, before we were broken.
    I wanted it more than anything else.
    But that would never happen, would it? Our normal, those few short months of happiness, were now wrecked forever.
    I pressed my cheek to the center of his chest and fell asleep, lulled by the rhythm of his heartbeat.
    ***
    When I woke up, bright light was pouring through the windows and the bed was empty beside me. I could hear the shower going so I lay flat on my back and looked up at the canted wooden ceiling. I’d been agonizing over a life-changing decision. One that I knew I wasn’t grown-up enough to make.
    My birth certificate might have stated that I was twenty-two years old but inside I still felt like a girl, immature, scared. Afraid to come out of her shell, open herself up, take a risk. Deep down I was that girl inside the body of a woman. Everyone around me seemed so much more together, so much more in touch with who they were as adults. Especially Adam.
    He might not always have been right, but he was always certain of what he wanted and what he did. I closed my eyes, feeling a stab of pain as I thought about him.
    Without realizing it, my hands went down to my belly, resting atop my womb. I had his child inside me. Until five days ago, I hadn’t even known it existed or that I wanted it. But now that I did I wanted it more than anything—maybe even my own life. But how could I tell him that? Or my mom or anyone else?
    And how could I want this more than my own life? I was a scientist. This life form was not viable and soon my body would not be a hospitable place for its own systems, let alone a completely dependent one. This option made absolutely no sense to my biologist’s brain. My scientific mind knew that it wasn’t a baby yet. It knew that one in four early pregnancies spontaneously aborted on its own—oftentimes before the woman even knew that it existed.
    The same could happen to me. I couldn’t make this decision lightly, but was it my decision alone to make?
    As a feminist, I strongly believed in a woman’s right to choose. Every woman deserved to determine what happened to her body. I’d fight for the right for a woman to choose and I’d never, ever dictate what that choice must be for anyone else. It was a thing so personal, so dependent on circumstance. And what I faced—was it really a choice at all?
    That was what rankled me most of all, what left me nearly breathless with helplessness. I was being