Avalanche Dance by Ellen Schwartz Read Free Book Online

eyes.
    How can I live without dancing?
    She couldn’t. It would be a nonlife. A dead life.
    She sobbed, pushing her face into her pillow to muffle the cries.
    Then a thought struck: No matter how bad this was, it wasn’t as bad as the shape her father was in. Not even close.
    That made her stop crying. How could she feel sorry for herself when he was suffering? And it was her doing.
    She wondered if he was conscious. If he was in pain. If he was still alive.
Oh God, please
, she thought,
don’t let him die, let him get well, I’ll do anything
.
    Anything
.
    She slept, was wheeled down for the MRI, pushed away the food they brought her, slept some more. When she next awoke, her mother was sitting in the chair again. She looked exhausted, as if she hadn’t slept in days. The circles under her eyes were darker, her cheeks more hollow.
    “Gwennie,” she said when Gwen stirred. She kissed Gwen on the forehead and helped her sit up. “How are you feeling?”
    “The same.” Gwen saw disappointment flit across her mother’s face. “How’s Dad?”
    “He might need surgery. They’re doing tests.”
    Surgery was good, Gwen told herself. It meant that something could be fixed. Didn’t it?
    The curtain was pushed aside and Dr. Chan peeked in. “Gwen? Oh, Mrs. Torrance, I’m glad you’re here. I have the results of Gwen’s MRI.” He opened a file and looked at it briefly. “It confirmed what the X-rays showed. There’s no sign of damage.”
    “But it hurts.”
    “Same place?”
    Nod.
    “Any worse?”
    “A little.”
    “I don’t know what to tell you, Gwen. Your kneecap looks healthy. The tibia and fibula are sound. There’s no sign of cartilage or ligament damage.”
    “So why does it hurt so much?”
    “I don’t know.” He glanced at her mother, then sat down on the edge of the bed. “There’s only one other explanation I can think of. Maybe it’s stress. After all, you’ve been through a traumatic experience –”
    “I’m not making it up!”
    “I didn’t say that. But stress can do funny things to the mind –”
    “There’s something wrong with my leg,” Gwen insisted.
    Dr. Chan shook his head. “Gwen, I assure you that there is nothing medically wrong with your leg.”
    “So I’m crazy?”
    “Of course not. That’s not what I said. It’s just that stress can cause all kinds of symptoms – and in the absence of an obvious injury, perhaps that’s an explanation.”
    Gwen slouched down and folded her arms across her chest.
    “I suggest we monitor it,” Dr. Chan said. “See how things progress. Maybe an injury will show up, and then we’ll know how to treat it. Or maybe the pain will clear up by itself.”
    Gwen didn’t answer. Into the silence, her mother said, “Then Gwen can come home, Dr. Chan?”
    He nodded, rising. “There doesn’t seem to be anything we can do here. And Gwen, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not serious. There’s no reason to stay off your feet. You can exercise normally. In fact, exercise would probably help. I mean, I wouldn’t go overboard – you’ve still got some nasty bruises – but you can be as active as you like.”
    “But not dance,” Gwen said under her breath.
    “Gwen!” her mother said.
    “Gwen,” Dr. Chan said. He waited until she looked at him. “There is no reason you can’t dance.”
    Gwen rolled to face the wall. It didn’t matter what he said. She knew she couldn’t dance.
    She heard her mother’s footsteps follow Dr. Chan’s across the room. “What’s the matter with her, doctor?” her mother whispered. “It’s not like Gwen to make things up.”
    “She’s not exactly making it up, Mrs. Torrance. I believe she’s suffering from post-traumatic stress as a result of the avalanche – which is understandable. It was a pretty traumatic event. And I suppose that somehow the stress is manifesting itself in this symptom. As the memory of the avalanche fades, the pain probably will too.”
    “I hope so.”
    “I’m