Backteria and Other Improbable Tales by Richard Matheson Read Free Book Online

to the sidewalk.
    Just as they turned, they saw the entire house jump off its foundation and stagger into the street.
    “Hey, you crazy house, come back here!” yelled Professor Fritz.
    “Nuts to you!” answered the house.
    Professor Fritz turned red.
    “No house is going to talk to me like that!” he said. “Quick! Into the car!”
    “What are we going to do?” asked Willy.
    “We’re going to chase it, that’s what!” said Professor Fritz.
    They jumped into the car and Professor Fritz started speeding after the house. As he drove, he leaned out the other window, warning the people ahead.
    “Look out!” he cried. “Look out! Runaway house!”
    Meanwhile, the furniture was racing into the city.
    A man was standing on a corner waiting for the bus.
    “Boy, am I tired,” said the man to himself. “Would I like to sit down.”
    Just then one of Professor Fritz’s armchairs came running down the street. It banged against the man so hard that, suddenly, he was sitting in it while it ran.
    “Whoa!” yelled the man. “I’m not going this way!”
    “You are now!” answered the chair.
    A lady ran up to a policeman.
    “Officer, officer!” she cried. “I just saw a kitchen stove crossing the street!”
    “Sure you did, lady,” said the policeman, patting her on the shoulder.
    Two boys were sitting in school. Their teacher, Mr. Nutt, was telling them all about long division.
    “I wish I was watching television,” said one boy.
    “You and me both,” said the other boy.
    Just then, Professor Fritz’s television set burst through the classroom door, ran down the middle aisle and knocked the teacher right over his desk. Then it plugged itself in and started showing a western.
    “Yay!” cried the children.
    A truck driver ran up to the policeman.
    “This may sound crazy,” said the truck driver, “but I just had a head-on collision with a piano!”
    The policeman stared at him.
    “Is everybody around here going crazy?” he said to himself.
    A man was mowing the grass in his backyard.
    “Boy, am I thirsty,” said the man. “I sure could use a glass of lemonade.”
    “Be my guest,” said a voice behind him.
    The man jumped around. There, standing in front of him, was Professor Fritz’s refrigerator.
    “Where on earth did this refrigerator come from?” wondered the man.
    “From just outside the city,” said the refrigerator. And, quick as a wink, it threw open its door, splashed a pitcher of lemonade on the man and ran into the alley, laughing.
    Two sign painters were sitting on their scaffold eating lunch.
    “That’s funny,” said one of them to his friend, “I could have sworn I just saw a pair of long red underwear dancing across the roof of that building over there.”
    “You’d better get your eyes examined,” said his friend.
    A little girl ran up to the policeman.
    “My dog just chased a pair of black shoes up a tree!” she cried.
    “And both the shoes were sticking out their tongues!”
    “Everybody around here is going crazy,” said the policeman to himself.
    Just then Professor Fritz’s car skidded up to the curb.
    “Has my house run past here by any chance?” Professor Fritz asked the policeman.
    The policeman was just about to take Professor Fritz to the police station when there was a loud noise at the corner. The policeman looked in that direction and his mouth fell open.
    Professor Fritz’s house had just stopped for a red light.
    “There it is, the crazy thing!” cried Professor Fritz.
    The light turned green and the house rushed off again.
    “Stop that house!” cried Professor Fritz, driving after it.
    The policeman jumped on a motorcycle and roared after them. He shot past Professor Fritz’s car and caught up with the speeding house.
    “All right you, pull over to the curb!” ordered the policeman.
    “Nuts to you too!” said the house and it threw a bowl of goldfish at the policeman. The bowl landed on the policeman’s head and the goldfish started