fuck Billy and fuck every Goddamn gun toting bureaucrat in the whole Goddamn world. He felt like an Auschwitz guard; just following the horrific orders of the fucking Nazi’s. But the guards at Auschwitz didn’t get to use that defense as a plea, did they? Jack had to take some responsibility for what this big bureaucratic machine was trying to do and he didn’t even know what that was. Where did these artifacts come from and why was the military so interested? These were important questions that no one would answer. He felt threatened anew and enslaved and naked and that’s why he stole one of the red balls from the case. He couldn’t justify it any other way. He didn’t particularly need it; he just wanted to screw the system in even a small way. Touching the ball brought back feelings from those nightmares so long ago. As soon as he picked it up he felt loss and hope at once. It was the feeling from the dream where his dad’s trying to come home and everyone’s prohibiting it. The ball weighed about as much as an average softball does and it was slippery in his hands. But the feelings it evoked in him was what made it special. He jammed the ball in his desk drawer before the sadness overcame his senses. But as soon as it was out of his grasp, he wanted to hold it again, hold it to his chest and just let the tears run loose down his cheeks. He shook his hands out and sat down. He typed:
A ball represents energy in turmoil. It can be seen as a symbol for the earth. To play with a ball means to attune yourself with your inner child. The color red: see previous entry on the color red.
He settled back in his chair and swiveled toward the glass case. For the first time he noticed a small warning sign glued to the side wall of the case. It read, do not touch, deadly. Billy stepped briskly into the office, “I forgot to tell you; the guards said don’t go near those things.” He was pointing at the case of balls. “They said everyone that’s touched them has dropped dead .” “How long before they died? ” Jack was suddenly afraid. “They were dead before they hit the ground. It happens immediately. ” Jack looked at the floor, “Jesus Christ. Well I’m done with them anyway.” Billy scooped up the case and hurried off to the warehouse. Why had he been drawn to the balls? What had drawn him to eat that apple? These artifacts were dangerous, even deadly to everyone else but he was fooling around with them without a care in the world. He needed to get a grip on this new version of reality. Oh shit, he thought, I’ve just stolen government property. He was about to call after Billy; see if he’d bring the case back so he could return the ball but it was too late. Billy would probably rat him out anyway. He opened his desk drawer and the ball rolled to the front. He picked it up with a tissue and opened up a cabinet underneath a workstation. Inside was all the old chemistry equipment. He put the tissue wrapped ball in a beaker and shoved it to the back, behind all the other junk. It was the worst hiding place imaginable but it would have to do. Suddenly he was hit with the realization that if it were to be discovered, the person who pulled it out would drop dead. He couldn’t live with that on his conscience but what else was there to do? Billy returned with another glass case. Jack assumed he was getting all the dangerous, high profile artifacts at once just in case he suddenly got pulled away from his tasks by the Doctor. Several more glass boxes followed and Jack knew he was right to suspect the General was feeding him all the dangerous stuff. For the millionth time he wondered where the artifacts came from. They weren’t of extra terrestrial origin. They were all so mundane and clearly originated on earth. What would an alien be doing with a teddy bear and a piece of steamy shit and an apple? Maybe there was a wizard locked away in the bowels of the building, forced to