Before I Break by Alec John Belle Read Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Alec John Belle
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“Avery, don’t,” I demanded. “We can talk about this.”
Avery laughed sarcastically, with a dark humor that was kind of…depressing. “No we can’t. I trusted you. I opened up to you because I thought you would be okay with it, but I guess not. All you are is a liar and a jerk.” Looking at Melissa, Avery went on. “He called me a faggot after nearly having a heart attack. He laughed at me. He yelled at me. He didn’t even give me a ride home afterwards because he didn’t want to ride with a faggot. I guess he didn’t tell you that we almost got kicked out of the Fro-yo Palace, did he?”
Melissa looked at me and the disappointed was clear in her eyes. Her anger, her rage, and her hated for me right now. At first she didn’t move, not like I expected her to, but I was hoping she would say something, but she didn’t. Her hand slipped out of mine and she said, “You lied to me.” It was definitely not a question.
“I didn’t lie to you,” I told her quickly, taking her hand back. “I just excluded a little bit of stuff. I really do care about Avery, and I have been trying to get a hold of him. You know that, don’t you, Avery?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “I blocked you on my phone, too, so I don’t see text messages either. I was sure I’d get a lot of hate-texts from you that I should just block you right away.” There was a sort of sadness in his eyes that seemed to shoot right through me. For some strange reason, I actually wanted to hug him.
“I’m sorry,” I said to Avery. “That was wrong of me, and I realized that when I got home. I tried to text you but I got no response, not that I blame you. Please forgive me, Avery, and I’m not just saying that to be with Melissa, but because I want us to be friends.” The words were rushing from my mouth like a waterfall and I found them to be entirely true, even if they weren’t when I thought them in my head. Now that they were out, I felt my chest tighten up from embarrassment and hurt. Why was I suddenly getting all mushy? “Please.” The last part was a whisper, hoping no one else was hearing this conversation.
Avery sat there quietly while Melissa stared me down with her arms crossed over her chest, looking pretty mad. No one in the cafeteria was paying attention to us, even though I felt like they were. This was a conversation I really didn’t want to have right now, but I knew it needed to be had despite my wishes otherwise.
Finally Avery spoke. “Do you really mean it?”
I nodded vigorously. “Yes, I really do mean it. I want to be friends.”
He locked eyes with Melissa and they seemed to have some sort of telepathic conversation without me. Melissa grabbed her bag and said, “I need to go. I really can’t look at you right now.”
“’Lissa—”
“No,” she said, pulling away from my arm reaching toward her. “I need a break. Just a little longer. I understand that you apologized, and that’s fine, but you lied to me. That’s worse than anything else. Give me a few weeks and we can try this again, but for now, we need some time.” As she stormed off, Avery snorted.
“What?” I asked, but it wasn’t harsh. I couldn’t be rude to Avery because it was my fault for lying to Melissa. It was all my fault.
“She’s not happy,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I accept your apology, though. I understand that it can be a shock to people.”
I smiled, feeling something I had never felt before. “Thank you. I’ll really need a friend right now with Melissa and all—”
Avery held up his hand. “Wait, what? I never agreed to being friends.”
“But I apologized!” My mood went from happy to worried, to upset to angry in less than two minutes. Talk about an emotional roller coaster.
“I understand that, Cyril,” he went on. “Sorry doesn’t always fix things. Yes, I accept your apology, but right now, you really need time you figure yourself out. I know guys like you, and know why you do the
“Avery, don’t,” I demanded. “We can talk about this.”
Avery laughed sarcastically, with a dark humor that was kind of…depressing. “No we can’t. I trusted you. I opened up to you because I thought you would be okay with it, but I guess not. All you are is a liar and a jerk.” Looking at Melissa, Avery went on. “He called me a faggot after nearly having a heart attack. He laughed at me. He yelled at me. He didn’t even give me a ride home afterwards because he didn’t want to ride with a faggot. I guess he didn’t tell you that we almost got kicked out of the Fro-yo Palace, did he?”
Melissa looked at me and the disappointed was clear in her eyes. Her anger, her rage, and her hated for me right now. At first she didn’t move, not like I expected her to, but I was hoping she would say something, but she didn’t. Her hand slipped out of mine and she said, “You lied to me.” It was definitely not a question.
“I didn’t lie to you,” I told her quickly, taking her hand back. “I just excluded a little bit of stuff. I really do care about Avery, and I have been trying to get a hold of him. You know that, don’t you, Avery?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “I blocked you on my phone, too, so I don’t see text messages either. I was sure I’d get a lot of hate-texts from you that I should just block you right away.” There was a sort of sadness in his eyes that seemed to shoot right through me. For some strange reason, I actually wanted to hug him.
“I’m sorry,” I said to Avery. “That was wrong of me, and I realized that when I got home. I tried to text you but I got no response, not that I blame you. Please forgive me, Avery, and I’m not just saying that to be with Melissa, but because I want us to be friends.” The words were rushing from my mouth like a waterfall and I found them to be entirely true, even if they weren’t when I thought them in my head. Now that they were out, I felt my chest tighten up from embarrassment and hurt. Why was I suddenly getting all mushy? “Please.” The last part was a whisper, hoping no one else was hearing this conversation.
Avery sat there quietly while Melissa stared me down with her arms crossed over her chest, looking pretty mad. No one in the cafeteria was paying attention to us, even though I felt like they were. This was a conversation I really didn’t want to have right now, but I knew it needed to be had despite my wishes otherwise.
Finally Avery spoke. “Do you really mean it?”
I nodded vigorously. “Yes, I really do mean it. I want to be friends.”
He locked eyes with Melissa and they seemed to have some sort of telepathic conversation without me. Melissa grabbed her bag and said, “I need to go. I really can’t look at you right now.”
“’Lissa—”
“No,” she said, pulling away from my arm reaching toward her. “I need a break. Just a little longer. I understand that you apologized, and that’s fine, but you lied to me. That’s worse than anything else. Give me a few weeks and we can try this again, but for now, we need some time.” As she stormed off, Avery snorted.
“What?” I asked, but it wasn’t harsh. I couldn’t be rude to Avery because it was my fault for lying to Melissa. It was all my fault.
“She’s not happy,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I accept your apology, though. I understand that it can be a shock to people.”
I smiled, feeling something I had never felt before. “Thank you. I’ll really need a friend right now with Melissa and all—”
Avery held up his hand. “Wait, what? I never agreed to being friends.”
“But I apologized!” My mood went from happy to worried, to upset to angry in less than two minutes. Talk about an emotional roller coaster.
“I understand that, Cyril,” he went on. “Sorry doesn’t always fix things. Yes, I accept your apology, but right now, you really need time you figure yourself out. I know guys like you, and know why you do the