Before I Break by Alec John Belle Read Free Book Online Page B

things you do.”
    “What is that supposed to mean?”
    He shrugged, grabbing his bag from his side. “It means I know guys like you. Don’t worry about it, though, we can maybe be friends eventually. That’s a big maybe, though. Goodbye.”
    Avery left me all alone right as Jake walked up and sat next to me. “Hey man, sitting with the new guy?”
    I wasn’t paying attention though. When Avery walked off, I saw something I wasn’t expecting to see, right on his arm. There were scars, all lining across his arm like tiger stripes. They were scars that resembled cuts, and my stomach seemed to drop. Avery cut himself? One thing I knew for sure after that was that Avery was probably in trouble. No one had scars like that unless something was wrong with them.
    Those scars were all I could think for the rest of the day and I wondered what I should have done about it.
     

 
    “Are you sure you guys aren’t going?”
    It was 4:30 and I was getting ready to go to Youth Group. Dad still hadn’t come home, which wasn’t that unusual for him, but on Wednesdays he was always home by now. Calling earlier, he told me to tell Mom that he wouldn’t be home until 6. That was the weirdest thing of all, especially considering he never called me. I had a feeling something was going on that they weren’t telling me about and that worried me quite a bit.
    “I’m sure, honey,” Mom said, giving me a hug. “Your father and I can miss a week, don’t you think?”
    “I guess so,” I replied, not really feeling the truth here. “Well, I should get going. I like to get there to help in the book shop.”
    “Good idea. I’ll see you tonight, then.”
    Grabbing my phone off the counter and going out to the car, I still had the weird sense that something was wrong. Mom and Dad never missed group, so this was all new to me. Deciding it really wasn’t my business, I drove off down the road to get to church.
    On the way there, I was listening to “Ain’t It Fun” by Paramore playing on the radio, and thought to myself, No, it’s not fun. Nothing about this is fun. I found myself humming along to the choir part, hoping to get into the church-like mood—not that singing about not crying to your mama would get me ready for church, but hey, I needed some fun tonight.       
    Jake texted me along the way saying that he was going to be a little late, as expected from him. He claimed that he liked going to church, but honestly, he had no personal relationship with God. For him, church was more like priority, or it used to be anyway. Thinking about it now, I didn’t really have a very personal relationship with God either, so who was I to judge? I knew what I believed, but that was about it when it came to me.
    When I got to the church, there was still a little over an hour before church started. In the book shop we sold coffee, pastries, and books. I enjoyed making the coffees, and because I helped around, they told me I could make one whenever I wanted. Lauren, the other assistant smiled when I walked in.
    “How are you, Cyril?” she asked as she put on her apron.
    I smiled back. “Not so good, but thank you for asking. You need any help?”
    “Not yet,” she said, and then snapped her fingers. “Actually, can you start up the ice machine for the iced coffee? I have a feeling a lot of people will be asking for it today because of the heat.”
    Now that I thought about it, it was pretty hot outside, and inside, too. “I’ll get right on it.” Walking to the other side of the counter, I couldn’t keep myself from saying anything. “Can I ask you a question?”
    Lauren turned to me. “Sure, why not? What’s up?”
    “Pastor Morrison says that homosexuality is a sin, right? If we’re friends with gay people and support them, what does that mean for us?”
    Lauren had a couple years on me, and was in her early twenties, so she did have a little more of a better mindset, I assumed. She looked at me and said, “Why do you