Being Magdalene by Fleur Beale Read Free Book Online

she’d ask next.
    But Abraham started talking. ‘You were in the nursery, Zillah, so you didn’t see all the Elders leapout of their seats like wasps were stinging them.’ She giggled as he acted it out, then he went on, ‘They took off and we were all sitting there with everybody asking, What’s happening? What’s wrong? But I was hoping like hell Rebecca’d come to her senses and run away.’
    Zillah frowned. ‘But why did you hope like hell, Abraham?’
    I gasped. ‘Zillah!’
    She shushed me. ‘Don’t worry, Magdalene. I only say that to Abraham. Why did you hope that? It made her be dead to us and damned for ever, didn’t it?’
    ‘That’s what the Elders say,’ Luke said. ‘But we don’t believe it. Mother and Father do, though, and so does everybody else.’
    ‘Does Rachel think that? Does Rachel think she’s dead and damned?’
    The boys shrugged, but I decided to tell her the truth, or what I thought was the truth. ‘She says she believes in the Rule and the Rule says Rebecca’s dead and damned. But she knows Rebecca’s still alive and I reckon she prays for her not to be damned.’
    Abraham whistled. ‘Go, Rachel!’
    The three of us watched him, the question we were desperate to ask unspoken.
    He got up from the table to walk to the window, rubbing his hands through his hair. I guessed he didn’t want us to see his face — he didn’t want us to see he was going to leave.
    First Miriam had gone, then Daniel and Esther, and we’d not seen Rebecca again after we’d left her herein this house four years ago, dressed in her wedding gown with Mother’s own white wedding shoes on her feet. I couldn’t endure it if Abraham became dead to us too. I put my head down and wept.

Six
    LUKE PUSHED ONE OF Father’s handkerchiefs into my hand. ‘Mop up, chicken. Crying isn’t going to help.’
    His words stung. I straightened up, cut to my heart that he didn’t understand. ‘Nothing’s going to help! And don’t tell me to pray to the Lord. I prayed and prayed for Rebecca and now she’s dead to us and —’
    Zillah flung her arms around my waist and hugged me tight while Luke took back the handkerchief and scrubbed my face with it. ‘Hush, Magdalene, you’re upsetting Zillah.’
    I obeyed and even managed a wobbly smile. ‘I’m okay.’
    Abraham swung around from the window. ‘Look, I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. But I promise I won’t disappear without telling you. All right?’
    We heard the challenge in his voice — like it had better be all right because it was all he could promise. Luke and I nodded, but Zillah said, ‘Don’t go, Abraham. I don’t want you to go, and Magdalene doesn’t and Luke doesn’t.’
    None of us said Father and Mother wouldn’t like it. I thought about that — and about how, when Zillah recited the names of who she loved, it was always Abraham, Luke, me and Hope. Sometimes Rachel, but not very often. I’d never once heard her say she loved our parents.
    ‘I’m going for a walk,’ Abraham said.
    ‘Me too!’ Zillah ran at him to catch his hand.
    Luke stood up. ‘Let’s all go. I don’t want to be here when the parents get home.’
    Abraham gave a snort of exasperation. ‘Bloody kids! I’m warning you — any moaning and I’ll throw you in the sea.’
    He bundled us into the car. We’d need towels if we were going to the beach. There was no time and, truly, I didn’t care. He drove the car hard, swinging us around the corners. None of us spoke.
    ‘Out you get,’ he said when he pulled up. ‘I’m going for a run. You lot can do what you like.’
    Zillah grabbed his hand. ‘I want to run too. Wait for me, Abraham. Don’t go without me.’
    I shut my eyes, praying he wouldn’t yell at her, praying he wouldn’t just run and run and never come back, then I heard her laugh. I opened my eyes in time to see him swing her on to his back and take off.
    Luke pulled me along. ‘Let’s run too, Magdalene.’
    I let him tow me as